Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 342870

The funniest thing there is the username, "blubbernuggetss"

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 342966

I hear there are cans of unionized water certified by the AFL-CIO.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 343001

Wait a minute! Where is the top of the lower Oreo?!?!

 

[Ibix]

Wait a minute! Where is the top of the lower Oreo?!?!

Invisible against the glare from the cream. Honest.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 343012

It's my third...

-Dan

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

Spoiler

you might need special glasses for this one

 

[Orodruin]

Are those … E-clips?

 

[Bystander]

Spoiler

you might need special glasses for this one

View attachment 343029

Can NOT believe how long it took me....

 

[Orodruin]

Can NOT believe how long it took me....

About 4 minutes?

 

[Bystander]

About 4 minutes?

Yes, four longer than should have been necessary...maybe I'll mention it at my next phlebotomy.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 343061

Spiders are evil. Never listen to them!

-Dan

 

[davenn]

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
"No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse."
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer.
"No I did not," the doctor said.
"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."
The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way.
The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

Printed on the door of the Linguistics Dept hallway:

 

[Borg]

 

[phinds]

Ah, the circle of life.

 

[jack action]

 

[Orodruin]

I mean, Beethoven never actually heard his 9th symphony …

 

[DennisN]

 

[DrGreg]

Could be the basis for a new version of "rock paper scissors".

 

[gmax137]

Printed on the door of the Linguistics Dept hallway:

View attachment 343104

**Actually, this is a Sign hanging on a door

As an aside, I recently saw someone suggest that the collective noun for a group of pedants should be "an actually." As in, "an actually of pedants has already commented on the post."

 

[Orodruin]

Could be the basis for a new version of "rock paper scissors".

Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-spock.

But actually no. The image has 6 categories and in order to create a balanced rock-paper-scissors type of game where each selection loses to half of the others and wins against the other half you need an odd number of alternatives. The more alternatives the less likely is a tie.

Ultimately, the continuum limit is for both players to pick a position on a circle. The one who has the shortest ccw distance to the other wins.

 

[berkeman]

Ultimately, the continuum limit is for both players to pick a position on a circle. The one who has the shortest ccw distance to the other wins.

I have this vision of the university professor trying to explain the game of rock-paper-scissors to their kids at the dinner table...

 

[Bandersnatch]

Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-spock

It bothers me that the sequence in the name of the game is not the actual sequence. I haven't seen the episode, but can't imagine Sheldon being alright with it either.

Rock-paper-scissors-spock-lizard doesn't roll of the tongue as well. So instead rules could easily be adapted to match the name, by having:
Lizard steals scissors ('cause why not) -> scissors cut paper -> paper covers rock -> rock hits Spock in the head because he's so logical there's no other way of defeating him but smashing his face with something hard -> and Spock defeats lizard because that one time Kirk tried to defeat a lizard-man by throwing a rock at him even though the lizard was pretty slow and Spock would know that rocks are for fighting quick-witted persons with, so he wouldn't lose Q.E.D.

The internal relations are then: Spock defeats paper because his fake hand scissors are so well-toned he can cut paper and if you can't do it yourself it's only because your Vulcan salute is wanting -> paper defeats lizard because paper is made of trees and when Gorn hit a tree during that fight with Kirk the tree was completely unfazed so it's obviously stronger -> lizard defeats rock because Gorn was shown to be immune to rocks -> rock dents scissors -> scissors defeat Spock's weak fleshy imitation of true scissor form as can readily be demonstrated to any doubters.

Admittedly, this ruleset does suffer a bit in the brevity department. But then again, what nerd wouldn't trade a few extra words of explanation for being correct in some obnoxious way.

 

[Borg]

I haven't seen the episode, but can't imagine Sheldon being alright with it either.

Let's take care of that for you.

 

[jack action]

I haven't seen the episode,

episodeS. In addition to @Borg 's extract:

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