My Romantic Woes: A Story of Failed First Dates

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Yeah. I'm not ignored yet. I still get smiley texts, and she called to wish me luck at bowling last night (I'm in a candle-pin league).

Although, I haven't heard from her today, at all.

well that's fine, sometimes you are just busy, but say she had 2 days to answer and updates her FB page with her phone but doesn't send you a text, now that's being ignored lol

 

[BobG]

Wrong, she would ignore you... unfortunately

That's just plain tacky. There's no real obligations for a person you've only met face to face once in your life, but an e-mail doesn't take much effort to send, there's no awkward conversations, and the person can still ignore any replies the person sends.

A person doesn't even have to explain why they don't think the relationship-that-hasn't-even-started has no chance. Just don't leave the other person hanging.

 

[FlexGunship]

That's just plain tacky. There's no real obligations for a person you've only met face to face once in your life, but an e-mail doesn't take much effort to send, there's no awkward conversations, and the person can still ignore any replies the person sends.

A person doesn't even have to explain why they don't think the relationship-that-hasn't-even-started has no chance. Just don't leave the other person hanging.

I've always given that courtesy to other girls I've dated. Actually, I can only think of one case where I just got ignored into nothingness. Turns out her phone got shut off and we got back together about 2 months later (just for two dates... didn't work out anyway).

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

That's just plain tacky. There's no real obligations for a person you've only met face to face once in your life, but an e-mail doesn't take much effort to send, there's no awkward conversations, and the person can still ignore any replies the person sends.

A person doesn't even have to explain why they don't think the relationship-that-hasn't-even-started has no chance. Just don't leave the other person hanging.

maybe its a difference between our 2 countries
i more often then not just plain get ignored, left hanging like a shot moose.
and to that respect i can only come to the conclusion that they were all very immature

 

[BobG]

maybe its a difference between our 2 countries
i more often then not just plain get ignored, left hanging like a shot moose.
and to that respect i can only come to the conclusion that they were all very immature

Having come immediately from the 56 worst analogies to this thread, I might know why you're being ignored.

 

[Evo]

Having come immediately from the 56 worst analogies to this thread, I might know why you're being ignored.

I was thinking the same thing

left hanging like a shot moose

 

[FlexGunship]

This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.

EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?

 

[JaredJames]

Why don't you just do the leaving a message thing? Sounds like a good idea.

If she says yes, great. If not, you know where you stand.

 

[FlexGunship]

Why don't you just do the leaving a message thing? Sounds like a good idea.

I did. Thats exactly what I did. I guess I feel this kind of innate "knight in shining armor" thing; if she's being oppressed by her friend something inside of me wants to fight back! But it's her best friend... I can't try to turn them against each other. I also made it clear that I was willing to put the whole event behind me and never speak of it again, if Harriet were willing to do the same.

 

[ThomasT]

I don't know what to say here Flex. Just don't get hung up on a chick because you're attracted to her for whatever reason. My suggestion is to hit the tennis courts or fitness/workout clubs and find a girl that you would like to take a shower with. That's, in my experience, usually a good ice-breaker.

 

[FlexGunship]

I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what went through my mind as I read this...

I don't know what to say here Flex.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Just don't get hung up on a chick because you're attracted to her for whatever reason.

Wait, I thought that was the only reason to get hung up on a chick, because you're attracted to her.

My suggestion is to hit the tennis courts or fitness/workout clubs...

Funny you say that, I was just thinking about bailing on work and going for a good run then hitting the free weights. Sounds like good advice.

...and find a girl...

Oh, you mean go to the gym to meet someone. I'm not usually into the fitness-addicts. I like a girl in good shape, don't get me wrong, but I find I'm more attracted to a specific personality than to a specific body type.

...that you would like to take a shower with.

...ooooooh...

That's, in my experience, usually a good ice-breaker.

Hmm, hard to call it bad advice, per se. I think I'll just got for a run.

 

[FlexGunship]

Anyway, I've benefitted from some of your posts, FlexGunship (itself a curious nom de plume). So, I read your OP. Wow ... weird. But entertaining.

I was stuck between:

• FlexGunship
• SmashDreadnaught
• BuffBattlecruiser, and
• LimpTugboat

Flex just seemed right.

Non-contenders were:

• RockHardslab
• BrickDeadlift
• RipSteakface
• BlastHardcheese
• HackBlowfist
• DirkHardpeck, and
• Andy Dick

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Having come immediately from the 56 worst analogies to this thread, I might know why you're being ignored.

LOL you don't think i did that on purpose?? come on, i am the best and dishing out bad analogies

 

[JaredJames]

LimpTugboat

Nah mate, should have gone with that beauty!

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.

EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?

i know how you feel, the big C got in the way of my last good one that i dated... its hard to do something about that one...

 

[FlexGunship]

LOL you don't think i did that on purpose?? come on, i am the best and dishing out bad analogies

Dishing out bad analogies?

• That's like serving bear meat to a trout.
• That's like writing on the thin edge of the paper.
• That's like using invisible ink to correct a test.
• That's like... annoying.

 

[FlexGunship]

i know how you feel, the big C got in the way of my last good one that i dated... its hard to do something about that one...

Wow, that's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear that.

<attempts wry humor to lighten the mood>I assume you're not talking about Chicago.</humor>

 

[JaredJames]

BlastHardcheese

Sounds like a macho way of saying you're firing blanks!

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Dishing out bad analogies?

• That's like serving bear meat to a trout.
• That's like writing on the thin edge of the paper.
• That's like using invisible ink to correct a test.
• That's like... annoying.

i don't obsess and fire off 10 bad analogies at once every day... just once in a while, i personally crack myself up

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Wow, that's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear that.

<attempts wry humor to lighten the mood>I assume you're not talking about Chicago.</humor>

Dont worry about it, it sucks hardcore, and i don't even wish it on my worst enemies
but **** i still got to live, i can't waste my young life that she was deprived of, it would defeat the purpose of the very tender and valuable lesson i have learned

so...dont worry about it, i rather someone crack a joke than someone say "i'm so sorry"

 

[FlexGunship]

Nah mate, should have gone with that beauty!

My friend uses it as his gamer tag on XBox live.

EDIT: And another friend uses SmashDreadnaught on Battle.net

 

[FlexGunship]

Oh well, no response today. She gets out of work at 7. So, I guess I'll just wait-by-the-phone... (I have a cell phone, so that means I'll probably just go run for as long as possible before my heart explodes from either overexertion or loneliness ).

EDIT: Is it inappropriate to share personal photos on here? I figured I might upload a picture of myself if it's not too odd... I don't know why. Just... you know. Put a face to the story?

 

[JaredJames]

It wasn't long ago you left the message was it? Give it a chance.

 

[FlexGunship]

It wasn't long ago you left the message was it? Give it a chance.

Hah, well, yeah. You're right, of course. But when we talked prior to our date we had a steady tradition of text in the morning. Trade voice mail or texts at 2:00PM EST (her lunch break), and then a call that night after work.

I guess it's unfair to hope for the same behavior.

 

[Borek]

Is it inappropriate to share personal photos on here?

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7262

 

[FlexGunship]

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7262

Sooo... no? I'll post there and link. Then I don't feel weird.

https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=3017686&postcount=4002

 

[JaredJames]

That's you? I had visions of you being a LOT older.

Or is that 'mary'? In which case she's not really a looker.

 

[wasteofo2]

Are you interested in this girl romantically, or are you OK just texting and chatting with her once in a while?

Cause lots of women will keep men orbiting them like that, and I think it's pretty disrespectful. If you're interested in her romantically, you shouldn't accept some whiney friend relegating you to the friend zone.

If you want to get the girl back out on some dates, the best way would be to cut off contact completely for a while and go do other things for a while. Get back in touch with her a couple weeks later and casually suggest getting together sometime. If she really likes you (seems she does) then the absence should make her realize that she wants you in her life, and to hell with the whiney friend.

BUT, if you give her all the texting and chatting without expecting to ever SEE her again, there's little doubt she'll be happy to have a new guy to use as an emotional outlet for a while, until she finds someone else.

 

[FlexGunship]

That's you? I had visions of you being a LOT older.

No, that's my grandson. But we look exactly alike. Yes, I hide my age because it seems that "being young" is a worse stigma than "being wrong."

Or is that 'mary'? In which case she's not really a looker.

Hah. Okay. I literally LOL'd at this one. Thanks for that.

 

[JaredJames]

No, that's my grandson. But we look exactly alike. Yes, I hide my age because it seems that "being young" is a worse stigma than "being wrong."

Stigma or not, I shall not hide who I am (my age is in my profile) and my username is my name.

(Only thing not available is picture of me - more due to lack of a current one than anything else.)

Hah. Okay. I literally LOL'd at this one. Thanks for that.[/QUOTE]

Well you did say "personal pictures" and I just assumed you meant something relating to said topic of conversation. I was actually expecting something a little more...intimate.

 

[FlexGunship]

I was actually expecting something a little more...intimate.

Sorry to disappoint. You'll have to buy me dinner and drinks before you see anything like that. BTW, I'm still way older than you.

Maturity on the other hand...

 

[FlexGunship]

Are you interested in this girl romantically, or are you OK just texting and chatting with her once in a while?

Romantically. Sorry if that wasn't obvious.

If you want to get the girl back out on some dates, the best way would be to cut off contact completely for a while and go do other things for a while. Get back in touch with her a couple weeks later and casually suggest getting together sometime.

Hmm, interesting idea. I might be getting close to that anyway. I'm not going to keep a one-way line of communication open for very long. That's just weird. Maybe I'll tell her clearly: "I'm going to stop trying to get in touch with you for two weeks. After that I'll give you a call and see if you want to go out."

It just sucks from a practical perspective too. She was really sweet and said she would help me with my Christmas shopping. As a guy, I am entirely unequipped to handle this.

 

[rhody]

This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.

EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?

Flex,

I never hang in the relationship forums, but you have a genuine talent for wit and humor, and the PF dog-piler's make this thread worth reading. That being said, I have a humble suggestion.

Do whatever really engages you and that you truly love to do, outside of looking to meet a woman. While you are having a great time being yourself and at ease, be open to opportunity for whatever comes your way. (Being engaged in some thing pleasurable takes you away from the anxiety and stress, a very good thing). This strategy (in a different context) has and is serving me well. Best of luck.

Rhody...

 

[FlexGunship]

I never hang in the relationship forums, but you have a genuine talent for wit and humor, and the PF dog-piler's make this thread worth reading.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Do whatever really engages you and that you truly love to do, outside of looking to meet a woman. While you are having a great time being yourself and at ease, be open to opportunity for whatever comes your way. (Being engaged in some thing pleasurable takes you away from the anxiety and stress, a very good thing).

Well, Rhody, I appreciate the advice, but those aren't the girls I'm interested in. I like to go climbing and I race my car (in season). Frankly, I'm just plain not interested in dating people from those pools. That's not to say I haven't done it, they're just never "my type." Furthermore, I have no interest in dating myself. I don't want to date someone that's like me (I get enough of me as it is!). I want someone that's starkly different.

I've never felt the anxiety or stress that other people talk about while on a date. In fact, I've always thought: "If I can't be myself around the person, there's not much of a point to being around them."

And that's the clincher... Mary (I always type the real name first and have to delete it) is one of those super rare girls. And we had an awesome time! It's like spending your life looking for an incredibly rare animal, finding it, capturing it, only to have it eaten right out of your hand by some sort of obnoxiously common animal.

By the way, I've gotten angry enough about this over the course of the day to become moderately spiteful. So I found a picture of Harriet to upload... weirdly pale, eyes too far apart, and teeth that could by a potato through a picket fence. Now imagine this looking at you just generally being bitchy.

EDIT: Harriet has darker hair.

 

[FlexGunship]

Ironically, one of my friends just recommended that I "get back on the horse."

Ugh...