# Jokes

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
Before I forget it: you ain't seen nothing yet!

#### Monoxdifly

##### Well-known member
Once my student raised his index finger and middle finger at once then jokingly asked me "What number is this?". The answer is usually either two (the amount of fingers raised) or eleven (because those fingers form two 1s).

Me: "Five."
Him: "How can it be?"
Me: "Roman numeral."
Him (looking at his fingers): "Uh, yeah. Right."

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
Pretty good, Mr.Fly!

"I miss my Ex, but my aim is getting better!"

Edit: nobody gets it?
ex wife
"miss" = with gun!
(saw that on a bumper sticker)

Last edited:

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Roman numerals remind me (I hope it has not been posted yet).

An ancient Roman walks into a bar, lifts two fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"

An ancient Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender asks: "Do you mean a martini?" "If I wanted a double, I would have said so."

#### Monoxdifly

##### Well-known member
An Arabic person walks into a bar, lifts two fingers and says, "Seven beers, please!"

MHB Math Scholar

#### Klaas van Aarsen

##### MHB Seeker
Staff member
TIL there are Arabic numerals we all use and Arabic numerals.
An Arabic person walks into a bar, lifts two fingers (in the shape of an OK symbol or a zero), and says: 'Five beer please!'

#### Monoxdifly

##### Well-known member
If we often debate whether a number is a 6 or a 9, do Arabians also debate whether a number is a 7 or an 8 which is actually either a more than symbol or a less than symbol?

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
The word "snob" should be a 3letter word:
which letter should be removed?

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
"What is more beautiful: a butterfly or a square?"
"A square, of course."
"Why?"
"It has a larger group of symmetries".

I am a Unix creationist. I believe the world was created on January 1, 1970 and, as prophesized, will end on January 19, 2038.

In biology, multiplication and division are the same.

Greeks are funny: they stole a bunch of letters from mathematics and try to write with them.

A pie is a pie chart showing how much pie is left.

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
The word "snob" should be a 3letter word:
which letter should be removed?
in my books, a snob is a sob !!

2nd definition:
a snob acts as if balancing an invisible object on his nose

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
I slept like a log. Ten hours seemed like 2.3.

Q: Why does 0 = 1?
A: cos 0 = 1.

In mathematics, 0! = 1.
In computer science, 0 != 1.

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
OK Evgeny; if you saw this traffic sign: "Fine for parking",
would you park there?

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
I probably wouldn't. But if I saw a spaceman, I would definitely park in it, man!

#### Olinguito

##### Well-known member
A short poem entitled “Oxymoron”.

Poor Rich is pretty ugly.
Rich Rich is pretty pretty.
Randy Randy is going to come.​

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Guys, let's try to keep this thread clean. I am afraid to ask about the meaning of the last joke.

#### Monoxdifly

##### Well-known member
I can't comprehend it at all, though probably it's not safe to ask.

You know why children hate math?
Probably because they think that numbers will make them numb.

#### topsquark

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Guys, let's try to keep this thread clean. I am afraid to ask about the meaning of the last joke.
Well, I was trying to look up Leslie Nielson's (clean) version of "Man from Nantucket. (The second line is "Who fished for fish in a bucket" but I have no idea about the rest.)

But I did find this for our fine Helper Evgeny.Makarov:

There was a modder on a forum
Always trying to keep the decorum
And sent him off to the sanitorium

(Like we need any censuring. All of us are the epitome of cleanliness! )

-Dan

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
Did you ever stop to think and then forget to start again?

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It had to due to the intermediate value theorem.

Q: What happens if you get frightened half to death two times in a row?

If there are square matrices, there must also be round ones.

Notice: Mathematician helps get rid of linear, exponential and logarithmic dependence.
Free, permanent, anonymous. Tel: +2,7182818284.

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It had to due to the intermediate value theorem.
NO. It was because the light changed to "WALK"!

#### Wilmer

##### In Memoriam
We're all here because we're not all there!

#### Evgeny.Makarov

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Honey, $$\displaystyle \forall N>0\;\exists\delta>0\;|i-u|<\delta\implies\heartsuit(i)>N$$. Will you marry me?

#### topsquark

##### Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Honey, $$\displaystyle \forall N>0\;\exists\delta>0\;|i-u|<\delta\implies\heartsuit(i)>N$$. Will you marry me?
No, our relationship isn't going anywhere. I have to leave you, my love. Just let me go so I can have some $$\displaystyle \partial S \cup S$$.

-Dan