Welcome to our community

Be a part of something great, join today!

Jokes

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
Before I forget it: you ain't seen nothing yet!
 

Monoxdifly

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2015
287
Once my student raised his index finger and middle finger at once then jokingly asked me "What number is this?". The answer is usually either two (the amount of fingers raised) or eleven (because those fingers form two 1s).

Me: "Five."
Him: "How can it be?"
Me: "Roman numeral."
Him (looking at his fingers): "Uh, yeah. Right."
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
Pretty good, Mr.Fly!

"I miss my Ex, but my aim is getting better!"

Edit: nobody gets it?
ex wife
"miss" = with gun!
(saw that on a bumper sticker)
 
Last edited:

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
Roman numerals remind me (I hope it has not been posted yet).

An ancient Roman walks into a bar, lifts two fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"

An ancient Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender asks: "Do you mean a martini?" "If I wanted a double, I would have said so."
 

Monoxdifly

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2015
287
An Arabic person walks into a bar, lifts two fingers and says, "Seven beers, please!"
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493

Klaas van Aarsen

MHB Seeker
Staff member
Mar 5, 2012
8,796

Monoxdifly

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2015
287
If we often debate whether a number is a 6 or a 9, do Arabians also debate whether a number is a 7 or an 8 which is actually either a more than symbol or a less than symbol?
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
The word "snob" should be a 3letter word:
which letter should be removed?
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
"What is more beautiful: a butterfly or a square?"
"A square, of course."
"Why?"
"It has a larger group of symmetries".

I am a Unix creationist. I believe the world was created on January 1, 1970 and, as prophesized, will end on January 19, 2038.

In biology, multiplication and division are the same.

Greeks are funny: they stole a bunch of letters from mathematics and try to write with them.

A pie is a pie chart showing how much pie is left.
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
The word "snob" should be a 3letter word:
which letter should be removed?
Geezzzz....forgot about this one; answer: remove the "n":
in my books, a snob is a sob !!

2nd definition:
a snob acts as if balancing an invisible object on his nose :)
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
I slept like a log. Ten hours seemed like 2.3.

Q: Why does 0 = 1?
A: cos 0 = 1.

In mathematics, 0! = 1.
In computer science, 0 != 1.
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
OK Evgeny; if you saw this traffic sign: "Fine for parking",
would you park there?
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
I probably wouldn't. But if I saw a spaceman, I would definitely park in it, man!
 

Olinguito

Well-known member
Apr 22, 2018
251
A short poem entitled “Oxymoron”.

Poor Rich is pretty ugly.
Rich Rich is pretty pretty.
Randy Randy is going to come.​
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
Guys, let's try to keep this thread clean. I am afraid to ask about the meaning of the last joke.
 

Monoxdifly

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2015
287
I can't comprehend it at all, though probably it's not safe to ask.

You know why children hate math?
Probably because they think that numbers will make them numb.
 

topsquark

Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Aug 30, 2012
1,135
Guys, let's try to keep this thread clean. I am afraid to ask about the meaning of the last joke.
Well, I was trying to look up Leslie Nielson's (clean) version of "Man from Nantucket. (The second line is "Who fished for fish in a bucket" but I have no idea about the rest.)

But I did find this for our fine Helper Evgeny.Makarov:

There was a modder on a forum
Always trying to keep the decorum
The hamster wheel threads
Fair spun his poor head
And sent him off to the sanitorium

(Like we need any censuring. All of us are the epitome of cleanliness! (Giggle) )

-Dan
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
Did you ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It had to due to the intermediate value theorem.

Q: What happens if you get frightened half to death two times in a row?
A: You'll be 3/4 dead.

If there are square matrices, there must also be round ones.

Notice: Mathematician helps get rid of linear, exponential and logarithmic dependence.
Free, permanent, anonymous. Tel: +2,7182818284.
 

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376

Wilmer

In Memoriam
Mar 19, 2012
376
We're all here because we're not all there!
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
Honey, \(\displaystyle \forall N>0\;\exists\delta>0\;|i-u|<\delta\implies\heartsuit(i)>N\). Will you marry me?
 

topsquark

Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Aug 30, 2012
1,135
Honey, \(\displaystyle \forall N>0\;\exists\delta>0\;|i-u|<\delta\implies\heartsuit(i)>N\). Will you marry me?
No, our relationship isn't going anywhere. I have to leave you, my love. Just let me go so I can have some \(\displaystyle \partial S \cup S\).

-Dan