How Did PrudensOptimus's Dating Adventure Turn Out?

[Monique]

Either you are interested or you are not

 

[jimmy p]

GAR women are CRAZY to understand! The girl i currently like drives me nuts because i can't understand what is going on (as said before, i can't read women). She is very casual around me, but we do arrange to meet up often, and the last time we got drunk we kissed... it's just the VERY CASUAL bit that throws me, like she isn't interested or anything.

Anyway, what's this about signals? We are MEN. We don't pick up hints or signals, you have to tell it to us straight otherwise we (or I) just go on oblivious!

I like what Monique said...nervous guys are cute. How nervous though?? The last time i was with a girl (the aforementioned one) i was shaking so much, before and WHILE i was drinking...now that is nervous!

As to Evo's problem of annoying guys. If you can't tell them to buzz off, say it with mace... spray em in the eyes and they will get the picture!

 

[Evo]

GAR women are CRAZY to understand! The girl i currently like drives me nuts because i can't understand what is going on (as said before, i can't read women). She is very casual around me, but we do arrange to meet up often, and the last time we got drunk we kissed... it's just the VERY CASUAL bit that throws me, like she isn't interested or anything.

Obviously she is interested, but that *is* a toughie. Hmmm.

Anyway, what's this about signals? We are MEN. We don't pick up hints or signals, you have to tell it to us straight otherwise we (or I) just go on oblivious!

True. Or men get the signals backwards. Maybe we could invent a dating stun gun. If a girl likes you she shoots you, leaves no doubt about her intentions.

I like what Monique said...nervous guys are cute. How nervous though??

I think Rick1138's smashing his coffee cup is adorable.

I like it when the brother/sister or best friend of a guy that wants to meet me, but is too scared, comes over and tells me. That's adorable.

 

[cookiemonster]

Nice. I think I'm getting the hang of this. All I have to do is act like a fool, right?

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Geez, I can barely keep my eyes open during class. And now I have to look for signals at the same time? You ladies are slavedrivers!

Understanding, trust and reliance between both parties are accumulated in the course of courtship.

Our courage, tenacity, intelligence, wit, ingenuity, devotion, magnanimity and strength of character are all put to the test, our senses are keenly sharpened and our soul bared naked.

In the course man become more of a man and woman realizes her feminity. It is a discovery of ourselves.

It is also a warfare, but the most beautiful warfare. It is a warfare that, ideally, both will emerge as slaves and both will emerge as masters.

 

[Polly]

Guys, let me give you a tip. Girls are as insecure and nervous as you are, well except for the brain dead barbies, so don't go after them. You would not believe the lengths girls go to trying to get a guy's attention.

One thing I've noticed here on PF is that guys seem to be going after girls that aren't giving them any signals that they are interested. If a girl likes you, you will notice her glancing at you, smiling at you and then looking away quickly, she might go out of her way to "walk" by you. Remember though, she's probably just as shy as you are about making the first move.

I hate to say it, but if she doesn't appear to be interested, she probably isn't.

When I was younger if I was talking to a guy I liked and I could tell he liked me, but wasn't asking me out, I'd just say "so where are we going Friday night?". That way, if he wasn't interested, I could always laugh it off as a joke, but it always worked.

Very good advice.

 

[motai]

True. Or men get the signals backwards. Maybe we could invent a dating stun gun. If a girl likes you she shoots you, leaves no doubt about her intentions.

I like that idea. It will definitely save us guys a lot of hassle and confusion.

 

[Polly]

Isn't courtship then reduced to plain mating? Few of us will like the idea of being reduced to bulls and cows me thinks.

 

[motai]

Just think of it as a history lesson, you're experiencing what our ape-like forefathers did in-between eating and sleeping. Just in a more high-tech way.

 

[Hurkyl]

I'm afraid that I'll just get zapped whenever I'm not sufficiently romantic.

 

[Polly]

What happened when our foremothers turned their noses up at our forefathers? This problem is as old as history itself.

 

[Chrono]

One thing I've noticed here on PF is that guys seem to be going after girls that aren't giving them any signals that they are interested. If a girl likes you, you will notice her glancing at you, smiling at you and then looking away quickly, she might go out of her way to "walk" by you. Remember though, she's probably just as shy as you are about making the first move.

I hate to say it, but if she doesn't appear to be interested, she probably isn't.

OK, Evo, how about a I give you a scenario in which I happen to have been a part of, and based on that you can tell me if she's interested or not, because I'm drawing a complete blank here. I'll try to simplify it for you, but if I miss anything that may be important feel free to tell me.

Me and this girl from work have been talking recently, and earlier she had a boyfriend. A bad boyfriend from what she and other people have told me. When we started talking she asked if I liked her and I didn't hesitate to say that I did. So, she now knows that I like her. Fast forwarding a bit, they broke up on bad terms. I figured she was free to date, until I had the idea that he was trying to get back at her. Add a week or two to that and you'll come to a couple of nights ago. I did something that would make you proud. I asked her out and she instantly said "yes". It just so happens that another guy we work with that night was asking her out and I just happened to overhear her say that she just got a new boyfriend. Now she's telling me that she might not be able to make our date. One thing I think is quite important is that, while she was with her previous boyfriend, we were talking and, for a couple of nights, she made it seem like she wanted to date me. Asking questions about us be able to work, and she questioned me when I told her that I was willing to replace him, instead of saying that I am still willing to replace him.

Sorry it's so long, but I'm completely lost here.

 

[Evo]

Chrono, what was her reason for saying that she may not be able to make the date?

Have you noticed any change in attitude?

 

[Chrono]

Chrono, what was her reason for saying that she may not be able to make the date?

Have you noticed any change in attitude?

Well, her reason was pretty legitamite. She said that she may have to work in training for another job. But then, I don't see why she can't just ask for that night off.

Any change in attitude? I don't think so. It's kind of hard to tell.

 

[Evo]

Well, her reason was pretty legitamite. She said that she may have to work in training for another job. But then, I don't see why she can't just ask for that night off.

If it has to do with training, she may not have the option to take off, or it could make her look like her job's not important to her. My suggestion, trust her, be understanding, but let her know that you want to see her a different night then. If she's telling the truth (which she probably is) she will appreciate how considerate and understanding you are. You'll get a gold star.

Any change in attitude? I don't think so. It's kind of hard to tell.

Doesn't sound like she's changed her mind at this point.

It is always difficult dating someone on the rebound. No telling what kind of emotional ups or downs she might experience, which are normal and nothing to do with you.

Keep me informed and I'll give you my 2 cents worth. You though have to be the ultimate judge since you are there and I can only guess.

 

[The_Professional]

When she said that she has an on the job training it didn't sound to me like she made a counter-offer to you. Such as, Can we go out on Tuesday instead? We should make it another time on Monday, etc..

Like Evo mentioned, she's on a rebound so this is difficult. Continue seeing other girls as well.

 

[Chrono]

If it has to do with training, she may not have the option to take off, or it could make her look like her job's not important to her. My suggestion, trust her, be understanding, but let her know that you want to see her a different night then. If she's telling the truth (which she probably is) she will appreciate how considerate and understanding you are.

I did that. Then she questioned me as to why I was so set on dating her. I think I will give it another go, anyway.

Keep me informed and I'll give you my 2 cents worth. You though have to be the ultimate judge since you are there and I can only guess.

Your two cents are worth a lot at this moment.

 

[Polly]

Call me cold blooded, but I honestly can not have any sympathy for any girl who starts seeing guys while on a rebound. It is stupid and unfair to the guy. A total waste of time. Why dragging someone into her own emotional turmoil? She is being selfish.

 

[Evo]

I did that.

Did she agree to another date?

 

[Evo]

Call me cold blooded, but I honestly can not have any sympathy for any girl who starts seeing guys while on a rebound. It is stupid and unfair to the guy. A total waste of time. Why dragging someone into her own emotional turmoil? She is being selfish.

I've known many girls that will not break up with a guy until they have a new one lined up. It's really sad.

Maybe in Chrono's case, it is a bad timing thing. She wasn't expecting him to come along and maybe she has concerns about dating on the rebound. Maybe this is causing her to rethink her decision to date him and why she is questioning why he wants to date her.

I don't think she would be bringing up these questions if she was just wanting to use him.

 

[The_Professional]

Depending on how low a girl's interest level is on her ex-boyfriend. They usually go through a couple of Guys before they start seriously dating again.

 

[Polly]

(sigh) yes, maybe that's why we have so very many numerous problems in our society - people do not think, they just act on their impulse and emotional needs. They forget they have a brain, are capable of restraint and other people are people too. If the girl concerned does not start to put her act together, she will find more problems ahead and she becomes a problem in the lives of all those around her.

edit: typo

 

[ShawnD]

Evo, being there all the time will not get him a girl.
There are 2 problems with trying to have a relationship with a girl you are just infatuated with.

First, there is the question of motive.
Remember that saying would you want to join a club that would accept you as a member? Relationships are the same way. Both men and women are very self conscious and most people think they are less than they really are. Noticing that somebody likes you makes you question why. What's wrong with her if her standards are low enough to want me?

Secondly, if he puts this girl on a pedestal, she will not respect him enough to want to go out with him. To understand what I mean, look at how friendships work. If you were at the top of the social ladder (one of the cool kids) and somebody who idolized you wanted to be your friend, do you think that would work? What if that person didn't care who you were, do you think you could be friends then?

Put the person you are interested in at the same level as you. If you idolize them, they will not respect you. If you look down on them, they'll think you're a jerk (which actually works against some women). If you treat them like you treat everybody else, it might just work out.

 

[rick1138]

Chrono, she is a quark, there is nothing you can do about it.

 

[The_Professional]

Noticing that somebody likes you makes you question why. What's wrong with her if her standards are low enough to want me?

Sounds like low self-esteem to me. If you don't think you're worthy enough then why would she think you're worthy? What would that say about her? Not good

You should give yourself plenty of approval for being the Great guy that you are. Don't sell yourself short.

 

[Evo]

Evo, being there all the time will not get him a girl.

I never said that, are you sure you're reading one of my posts?

 

[Polly]

Sounds like low self-esteem to me.

Don't sell yourself short.

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

 

[The_Professional]

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

Mean, cold blooded and unkind

My previous post was referring to the situation where a Guy puts himself down with the girl

 

[Evo]

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

You're being realistic and honest. What you said earlier about people not looking beyond their own needs and not caring about what they're doing to others is unfortunately all too true.

 

[The_Professional]

I agree .

 

[ShawnD]

Sounds like low self-esteem to me. If you don't think you're worthy enough then why would she think you're worthy?

It's mostly women that have low self esteem. Men are usually the opposite, they think they're attractive even though they're fat, bald, and have a hairy back. Thankfully, I'm none of those 3 . I'm still full of myself though.

Women are complicated so it's hard to tell what you're dealing with. Women who have very very low self esteem will date you because she thinks she can't do any better. Women who have a somewhat low self esteem will question why you are interested in them instead of somebody better. Women with high self esteem will just blow you off thinking she's better than you.

The best way I've seen was to be direct (through flirting) but accept no as an answer. If you flirt and she likes you, right on. If you she doesn't like you, just accept the no and act like that ship has sailed. If you keep giving signals that you are interested, you become the proverbial "dick in a glass".
She won't consider dating you as long as you're just a backup plan.

 

[Polly]

Chrono, I am really sorry I said those nasty things about the lady you fancy. My only explanation is perhaps I was too biased in your favour I forgot she is a person too and probably wants to clinch onto someone in a moment of weakness. I hope you will forgive me for being so mean and nasty and cold. Yes if you like her a lot then go for it, we are afterall all here to fumble our way through and learn (but do it in a more objective way please if possible). I am sorry my wisdom only allows me to say this much, I hope I have not done some irreparable harm already. Last of all please again forgive me for everything I said.

 

[jimmy p]

...wish i could get a rebound girl... at least i wouldn't have to go through all the goddamn effort and worry as to whether i am going to make an ass of myself or not...

 

[Chrono]

Chrono, I am really sorry I said those nasty things about the lady you fancy. I hope you will forgive me for being so mean and nasty and cold. I am sorry my wisdom only allows me to say this much, I hope I have not done some irreparable harm already. Last of all please again forgive me for everything I said.

No problems. No harm was, and wouldn't have been done. I don't think you're mean, cold blooded, or unkind.

Did she agree to another date?

Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.

 

[Polly]

...wish i could get a rebound girl... at least i wouldn't have to go through all the goddamn effort and worry as to whether i am going to make an ass of myself or not...

Okay I am reformed now, I shall try to be more objective and impartial.

If you trust me, I have this to say.

Yours is a tough problem, mostly because we know very little about the background, mentality and love life of this very "casual" lady. But I don't think any woman will go around kissing a friend, albeit a good friend, just out of the blue (BTW was she very drunk at the time?). Seems to me she is toying with the idea of dating you and was experimenting it. I shall sound like an old man now, but if there is nothing you could do about problem, why don't you channel your time and energy into something more construtive? Do a course, develop a special interest, learn something, so that she will be able to look at you in a more flattering light in the future? Women like men with a goal and working towards it. It shows they are enterprising and hardworking.