Conflicted Feelings: Moving On from High School

[Andy]

Just give it up and get a porn mag, your obviously never going to get this girl.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Honestly, I have already given up. I have learned many things, and through these things I have learned to live better and happier.

 

[BoulderHead]

You don't need happiness, Prudens, what you need is a girlfriend...

 

[Chrono]

Just give it up and get a porn mag, your obviously never going to get this girl.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

You don't need happiness, Prudens, what you need is a girlfriend...

dont we all

 

[Andy]

Sorry but the more time you spend whining bout how you haven't got a girlfriend the less likely you are to get one. Seriously, while i spent all my time on the internet i never had anyluck. Then the less time i spent online the more luck i had, which is why i am almost never online now.

 

[BoulderHead]

You sound like a very lucky person.

 

[Andy]

I consider myself lucky yea, but only because I am happy.

 

[jimmy p]

I consider myself lucky yea, but only because I am happy.

You got to meet someone first though Andy, that is the hardest part.

 

[The Bob]

You got to meet someone first though Andy, that is the hardest part.

What annoyed me about my relationship with my girlfriend is that it could be about 12 months and 3 weeks not 3 months and 3 weeks. Annoying.

Finding someone isn't hard, what is hard is finding someone who likes you as well.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

What annoyed me about my relationship with my girlfriend is that it could be about 12 months and 3 weeks not 3 months and 3 weeks. Annoying.

Finding someone isn't hard, what is hard is finding someone who likes you as well.

The Bob (2004 ©)

Maybe I should rephrase that. Finding someone who is right for you. I mean if I went to town and attempted to pull some random girl, I may get satisfaction for the evening but I may have nothing in common with that girl. At the moment I'm trying to meet some girl who I can relate to or actually have a relationship with. Unfortunately I don't know many girls.

 

[The Bob]

Maybe I should rephrase that. Finding someone who is right for you. I mean if I went to town and attempted to pull some random girl, I may get satisfaction for the evening but I may have nothing in common with that girl. At the moment I'm trying to meet some girl who I can relate to or actually have a relationship with. Unfortunately I don't know many girls.

I see. Well it is just about waiting and hinting.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Andy]

You have to meet girls quite a few times before you can actually start to get ne idea as to whether they are right for you or not. Go out pull as many birds as possible get as many numbers as possible and then try to meet some of them again or just chat to them through txt. You can't meet a girl and realize she's the one for you in one night. Maybe you guys are looking to hard.

 

[Zantra]

You don't need happiness, Prudens, what you need is a girlfriend...

If only you could have both

Something I've said in the past bears repeating-actually 2 things:

1. No matter how smoking hot a woman is, somewhere in the world, someone is sick of putting up with her crap.

2. true love is a testament to mutual indifference- she pretends he's the only one for her, while he pretends he wants anyone but her.

 

[Chrono]

Unfortunately I don't know many girls.

You and me both, Jimmy.

 

[The Bob]

You and me both, Jimmy.

The funny thing is I do not have that problem.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

You have to meet girls quite a few times before you can actually start to get ne idea as to whether they are right for you or not. Go out pull as many birds as possible get as many numbers as possible and then try to meet some of them again or just chat to them through txt. You can't meet a girl and realize she's the one for you in one night. Maybe you guys are looking to hard.

Oh come on Andy, can you really see me going and chatting up loads of girls? seriously??

Actually it does seem like I'm making a rod for my own back, but every woman is like a different alien, you never know what pleases them. Not that I take to pleasuring aliens... no siree!

 

[Chrono]

Oh come on Andy, can you really see me going and chatting up loads of girls? seriously??

I think I answer for Andy when I say, "No!" Of course, I'm the same way. If they don't find me weird by being a math major, they'll find some other flaw with me.

 

[jimmy p]

I think I answer for Andy when I say, "No!" Of course, I'm the same way. If they don't find me weird by being a math major, they'll find some other flaw with me.

You wanted to study maths? I mean... how can that be weird?

 

[Chrono]

how can that be weird?

Same thing I wonder. But that's what they all think.

 

[jimmy p]

But that's what they all think.

You are supposed to finish that with "peaches I told 'em"

 

[enigma]

All right, ladies and gents:

I know I haven't posted to this thread before, but I need some serious advice. I apologise in advance for the length of the post.

I really recently got out of an extremely long term relationship. You can read my only entry in my journal for more details of my feelings about the split. For those who don't want to read that, the basics are that we'd been together for 8 years, have been in a serious death spiral for a little over a year, and circling the drain for two months. For instance: I haven't been kissed in about 4 months. We'll call her 'T'.

Now, in a bizarre twist of fate or serendipity (or both), I went with my best friend and his wife, my brother, and a whole gaggle of my brother's friends to a renaissance festival last saturday (3 days after the event). I was actually going to try to talk with one of the brother's girlfriend's friends, who I've been mildly taken with for a month or two. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I guess ) she bolted off to do her own thing once we got through the gates (there were over 20 of us there, so staying as a group wasn't going to happen). Once inside, my brother and his g/f, my friend and his wife and I stuck together and went for a beer (first thing to do at 11 in the morning...). On the way to the inn, we met up with this girl (we'll call her D) who had went in before us, but was expected to meet up with all of us.

D had went to the same HS as my brother and I (almost a decade ago, now...), and I'd always thought she'd been very cute. Petite little brunette - the kind I always fall for. The situation to talk to her simply never presented itself before, though. Either I was in a relationship or recovering from a relationship or I didn't see her, or whatever. She had good friends with my brother (introduced him to his girlfriend), but my brother and I didn't run in the same circles in high school. Apparantly, she had a crush on me all through HS as well. Me, being the dope I am, hadn't noticed that.

Anyway, we went to get beers and sit down. It so happened that the benches were 6 person benches, and it so happened that she maneuvered herself to sit next to me. Things just went from there. We were attached to each others' hips the entire day. When I talked to her, I found out that she is funny, smart, *have I mentioned drop-dead-gorgeous?*, an engineer, and genuounly (sp?) fun to be around. She's got this way about her that just wants me to protect her (in the chivalrous put your coat over the muddy patch sort of way). I haven't had that sort of attention; having a person really want to be around me in years. Serendipidy. To quote my bother: "I am smitten. I am full of smit." When she was getting ready to leave, and I followed after her to ask for her number, she practically fumbled over herself to give me it.

We've got plans to go out sometime this weekend with my brother and his girlfriend.

Now, here comes the hard part:

I feel kind of crappy that it's so soon after breaking up with T. I was thinking that I would give myself some time and then start playing the field. I wasn't expecting to have another interest as quickly or as strongly, but it happened. I really wasn't expecting the break-up to feel like "I'm relieved we finally decided to do the right thing." I guess knowing that it was coming for as long as it was softened it at first, and then itched because it hadn't happened yet.

I still have feelings for T... not the "I'm madly in love with you and want to marry you" sort of feelings... not even "I want to go out with you" sort of feelings. More along the lines of "we've been friends for so long; we've got so much history. I want to be your friend and not hurt you."

I'm not worried about T. I can just fail to mention D when I talk to her (we've decided that we're going to try to salvage a friendship from the ashes). I'm concerned about telling D about the situation without scaring her off.

I'm big on honesty in a relationship. Possibly too big. I want to tell her that I just recently got out of a major relationship. I don't think that she is a 'rebound' relationship. *I don't want her to be either... I truly dig this girl*. I'm just afraid that she will ask what the reasons for the split were. Those reasons were real reasons... grown-up reasons... she doesn't want kids... I do... she wants someone with faith... I don't see that happening... we both felt abandoned by the other for a long time.

Things like that are NOT the kind of thing you talk about on a first date. I'm sure the girl likes me a lot, but I don't think I know her well enough to be baring my soul and life-goals.

So. Any advice?

Ladies, what would you do if I guy you really liked told you why he broke up with his long-term girlfriend *a week and a half ago*?

Thank you for bearing with me and not pointing and laughing

 

[Evo]

Enigma, I would tell her everything you just said here.

If I was "D", this would make me realize that you truly are interested in a relationship with me.

I don't feel that you are on the rebound. Your relationship died a slow death. What I consider as being on the rebound is when there is a sudden, painful breakup, or an unwanted breakup, and you are not ready to completely give up on the old relationship yet (even if you know it's over), emotionally you aren't ready to start over new.

You sound like you are ready to start over. Just because you didn't "officially" end the relationship until a few weeks ago, you know it's been over for a long time. This is the difference.

Now, this is just how I feel about it. Hopefully the other women here will share how they would react.

I think it is wonderful that you met up with this girl. Finding the right person is so rare, don't let this slip through your fingers, you might regret it the rest of your life.

 

[Zantra]

Gotta go with Evo on this one. You need to be up front with D and tell her that you just got out of a relationship, but that you're interested in her and have been for a long time. Explain the situation, and make sure she's crystal clear that there's nothing left between you and your Ex- then make sure you keep it that way- a lot of times long time flames can flare up again and it seems like you're still in love when it's actually just a convenience and comfort thing...

 

[The Bob]

Although I agree with Evo in saying that honesty and telling D what has happened between you and T, I also think that if you really do not want to answer a question don't lie just react in a caring way and say 'Nothing', but clearly make it so that something is up or they will not ask what is wrong. You then tell them or contiune with the 'Nothing' until they either leave it or beat it out of you. I accidently do it all the time and my girlfriend told me I did it and now I have to either stop or just tell her.

Females want to know they are wanted and so honestly is good. I can lie to my girlfriend so months on end but I know I will tell her eventually so I so no point in keeping it away from her.

As your relationship with T slowly died I don't see a problem with going for someone you seem to like better, or more to the point, feels right. That is the key thing. If it doesn't feel right then don't do it. I have followed that in everything from holding my girlfriend to kissing her. If you think holding back is best first do it, because D should understand if you tell her, but make it clear you want her and if you get home and think 'I should be with her now' then phone her and just do it.

For T you can only tell her that D is on the scene and make sure you say it in a way that shows you had not planned it, because you hadn't.

Anyway hope my experience might help. Keep us posted Enigma.
Good Luck

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[enigma]

Date's on Saturday. We'll see how it goes!

*starts counting down the minutes*

T isn't going to find out for a while. If things are still going well in a few months, I'll drop that I'm seeing someone, and leave the specifics of 'when' out of it. I suppose that's one benefit of her refusing to associate with any of my friends for the last 4 years... there's no one to spy on me for her.

Thanks for the ear and advice, all.

 

[Chrono]

Date's on Saturday. We'll see how it goes!

This is the first date, right? What are planning on doing?

 

[enigma]

We're going to a nearby micro-brewery/resteraunt with my brother and his girlfriend. It's a really cool place.

... Afterwards, who knows?

 

[Chrono]

We're going to a nearby micro-brewery/resteraunt with my brother and his girlfriend. It's a really cool place.

Sounds good. Of course, I'm not one that should be giving advice on this sort of thing.

 

[The Bob]

Sounds good. Of course, I'm not one that should be giving advice on this sort of thing.

And I should have?? I may know what most females seem to want but I am still no good at relaying my advice. Hope it helped though Enigma.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Chrono]

may know what most females seem to want

That is one area in which I'm unskilled in.

 

[Andy]

Yea i agree with EVO on this too, but you don't have to go into the reasons as to why you broke up. If she's as smart as she sounds she will understand.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Congratulations Enigma. You are one lucky radical.

 

[Zantra]

That is one area in which I'm unskilled in.

Yes I'm married and I still don't completely understand women- Bob you want to fill us cluessless folk in?

 

[enigma]

OK. Some lovely lady needs to help me here...

I just bought flowers. They need to last overnight and a 30 minute trip to baltimore. I'd like it if they keep for a day or two when they get there.

They came with the little "care package" of nutrients. Do I cut the stems and stick them in water with the nutrients now? Do I stick them in the fridge until tomorrow, and cut them when I get there? Do I just stick them in water?

Good golly, I'm clueless...