Conflicted Feelings: Moving On from High School

[Chrono]

It's not happy?? Oh well tell anyway, I could do with a good laugh! Nah, we are all here for emotional support.

It seems you're the only one who's really interested, Jimmy. Well, since you asked nicely, I'll tell.

Ok, the thing is she will not give out her phone number. But, at work we have an employee directory with everybody's number on it, but, as luck would have it, there a digit in it I couldn't tell if it was a 5 or a 0. So I just asked her, which one it was, and she still wouldn't tell me. I got tired of that so I told her I'll just call them and find out which one is hers. I mentioned that if I was brave enough that I'd call her tomorrow, which is today. After that, she seemed a bit serious and was like, "You know I have a boyfriend, right?" "Yeah." "And you still want to call me?" "Of course, I mean the main reason is because we don't talk enough here since we're working."

Let's hope I have the courage to call tonight.

 

[jimmy p]

Ummmm I'm a little confused. Do you like this girl? Is there much point if she has a boyfriend? Or do you just want to be friends with her or something. I have to admit that I would be a little freaked if someone went to all that effort just to get my number. But then I get freaked at dandelions.

 

[Monique]

Chrono did she ever give you the impression you should call her? From what you said she didn't. Since she has a boyfriend, and she's telling you she's got a boyfriend, and she not giving out her number, not even hinting what her number is, you should really stay out of it!

 

[Chrono]

She said she didn't care if I called. Besides, what's the big deal if I call even if she has a boyfriend? Of course, I would like to get with her, but I'd like to be friends with her first. And, remember, I said that the main reason for doing that is because we don't have much time at work to talk.

 

[Evo]

Hmmm, romantics may last a few years, but true love should last the rest of your life. Alas my parents didnt thinks so, they are splitting up after 23 years. Love is over-rated.

Chopnik, I am so sorry. It is probably for the best if they are not happy together. I know it has to be hard on you though.

 

[Evo]

She said she didn't care if I called. Besides, what's the big deal if I call even if she has a boyfriend? Of course, I would like to get with her, but I'd like to be friends with her first. And, remember, I said that the main reason for doing that is because we don't have much time at work to talk.

NOOOOOO! STOP! She means - do not call me. Trust me on this.

Chrono, please find a girl that does not have a boyfriend, preferably one that has not had a boyfriend for at least a few months.

 

[Moonbear]

She said she didn't care if I called. Besides, what's the big deal if I call even if she has a boyfriend? Of course, I would like to get with her, but I'd like to be friends with her first. And, remember, I said that the main reason for doing that is because we don't have much time at work to talk.

I agree with Evo, DON'T call her! If she wanted you to call, she'd have given you her phone number, not told you she had a boyfriend. That's a warning to let you know don't call. Pretty straightforward actually. This is someone you work with, right? At best, she's going to be really irritated and a bit freaked out you called her at home when she clearly told you not to do that. At worst, she's going to charge you with sexual harrassment or stalking for not taking NO to mean NO. You want to be more than friends, she doesn't. Give her some space, give yourself some space, and move along. There will be others who will be interested in you. Besides, you never know, there could be other reasons she doesn't want you calling her house. If she didn't give you her phone number, respect her privacy and don't call her there.

 

[Monique]

She said she didn't care if I called. Besides, what's the big deal if I call even if she has a boyfriend? Of course, I would like to get with her, but I'd like to be friends with her first. And, remember, I said that the main reason for doing that is because we don't have much time at work to talk.

I understand you are naieve and think calling is innocent, aiming to become close friends with a girl that is already emotionally involved with someone else is just really not done(!), sorry. She doesn't care whether you call means 'do not call me' without having to say the harsh words.

Evo, Moonbear and me agree very well on this..

 

[Tsu]

Sorry, Chrono. I, too, must agree with the other women here. When a girl says "I don't care if...", she usually means she'd rather you didn't.

 

[Chrono]

All right, since it's unanimous I won't call her unless she starts complaining that I haven't. I really got to find some single girls.

 

[chroot]

BTW, most women regard men who continue to pursue them, despite having been told quite clearly that they are already happily involved with someone, as extremely disrespectful. Put it this way: the girl presumably loves her boyfriend. Anyone who disrespects him or her relationship to him (for example, by calling her and trying subversively to "get with her") is not going to have a snowball's chance in hell. More than likely, she and her boyfriend will wind up rolling around in bed and laughing at you together.

While it's true that some women play hard to get and tease you a bit before showing you clear positive signals, there are subtle differences between playing hard to get and being off-limits. This girl is not playing hard to get. From the sound of it, she's happily taken, doesn't want you to call her, and is taking your advances toward her as offensive.

- Warren

 

[Zantra]

In Chrono's defense, it's always possible it could be a situation where she's not happy and looking to explore her options. But if she's not giving up the digits, I'd say it's a no go. If she was looking for some side action, she'd have given up the digits and THEN warned you she has a boyfriend.

This has to be the longest thread on PF now:P

 

[Chrono]

Dang. Why is it that only I didn't get it?

 

[balkan]

Dang. Why is it that only I didn't get it?

get used to it... girls will expect you to be a mind reader pretty much for the rest of your life...

 

[Moonbear]

Dang. Why is it that only I didn't get it?

Because you were letting your own romantic hopes get in the way of clear thinking...happens all the time. That's why you're just lucky all us women showed up in this thread at once to set you straight Hey, better than calling to find out she has caller ID and either ignored all your attempts or had her boyfriend answer every time you called (in my younger days, I did that when one guy just wouldn't get the hint I wasn't interested...I had my roommate's boyfriend answer the phone and pretend to be MY jealous boyfriend).

So, how would you have known if she was still shopping around? Easy, when she told you she had a boyfriend and wouldn't give her home number, she might have suggested an alternative..."I have a boyfriend, don't call me at home, but why don't you join a couple of us heading out for drinks after work on Friday?" Or "...but why don't we get together for lunch sometime?" Something like that.

 

[Chrono]

You know what, I'm just going to ask her outright if she really wanted me to call or not. I'll see her tomorrow during the last hour of work so I'll ask her then. I got the strange feeling like y'all are going to tell me that it's a bad idea, though.

 

[The Bob]

You know what, I'm just going to ask her outright if she really wanted me to call or not. I'll see her tomorrow during the last hour of work so I'll ask her then. I got the strange feeling like y'all are going to tell me that it's a bad idea, though.

Indeed we are. MInd you I did the same and there was no problem for a while, but I had to think. See I don't ask the girl out. She normally asks me out. :shy: But you will have to learn to mind read. Sorry.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[The_Professional]

Women who have high interest level in you don't confuse you with mixed signals.

If you're still confuse just look at her actions, (is she with you? No) Don't project your own feelings, and always look at reality.

 

[Moonbear]

The other big hint is that now that you've expressed interest in calling her, you still don't see her much at work. Trust me, if a guy gives a clear indication he's interested, like asking for your phone number while sober, and the woman is interested, she WILL make a point of running into him more often. And if she's someone who is going to play hard-to-get to that sort of an extreme, you don't want to be with her anyway...she'll do nothing but play mind-games that you don't need.

 

[The_Professional]

It's funny how when a gal digs you, everywhere you look she seems to be always there, you bump into her most of the time.
It's as if she's helping you, because she wants to be with you.

 

[franznietzsche]

It seems you're the only one who's really interested, Jimmy. Well, since you asked nicely, I'll tell.

Ok, the thing is she will not give out her phone number. But, at work we have an employee directory with everybody's number on it, but, as luck would have it, there a digit in it I couldn't tell if it was a 5 or a 0. So I just asked her, which one it was, and she still wouldn't tell me. I got tired of that so I told her I'll just call them and find out which one is hers. I mentioned that if I was brave enough that I'd call her tomorrow, which is today. After that, she seemed a bit serious and was like, "You know I have a boyfriend, right?" "Yeah." "And you still want to call me?" "Of course, I mean the main reason is because we don't talk enough here since we're working."

Let's hope I have the courage to call tonight.

Read my post about girls with boyfriends. I'm telling you now, stay away, its a bad idea. I've learned this from experience.

 

[The Bob]

Ok Chrono. Take it from another guy. Leave her. It will not work out.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT DO IT!

All girls with boyfriends should be avoided even if they come on to you. I made my mistake and learned from it.

 

[Chrono]

Ok, ok, I'll quit trying to get with her. Doesn't mean I can't be friendly, though. However, if I hear that they break up I'll be tempted to continue where I left off, but by the looks of it I doubt that will happen. I can keep my hopes up, can't I?

 

[Polly]

Chrono,
a girl with bf = untouchable
a girl in the course of rebound = untouchable
False hope will not get you anywhere, look elsewhere buddy.

 

[Chrono]

Look elsewhere? That's what I was doing in the first place. Am I bad at this, or what? I think it would a good idea to just take a break from all this for a while. That may be one thing y'all can agree on.

 

[Evo]

Chrono, it is ok not to be in a relationship for awhile.

You do seem to have a history of being attracted to girls that are already in a relationship or just ending one. Perhaps you like the challenge more than the girl?

Giving advice is easy. But I will say that I think that you should stop thinking about trying to be in a relationship so much, raise your standards a bit (no girls that aren't available) and relax. You are still very young. It will happen.

 

[Chrono]

You do seem to have a history of being attracted to girls that are already in a relationship or just ending one.

Yeah, I guess I should ask if they're taken before that happens?

 

[Evo]

Yeah, I guess I should ask if they're taken before that happens?

Maybe you're just having a really bad streak of luck?

 

[Chrono]

Maybe you're just having a really bad streak of luck?

Yeah, that sounds good. I guess, the only way to go now is up.

 

[The_Professional]

Look elsewhere? That's what I was doing in the first place. Am I bad at this, or what? I think it would a good idea to just take a break from all this for a while. That may be one thing y'all can agree on.

Yes, take a break. Let her ruin some other guy's life.

 

[Deniel]

Look elsewhere? That's what I was doing in the first place. Am I bad at this, or what? I think it would a good idea to just take a break from all this for a while. That may be one thing y'all can agree on.

Leave that lady out of your mind, think of a more professional one who is awaited !
Trust me on that! She would bring you happiness then the lady you mentioned as your "firster", uhmm, how do people know it is your first-er or it is ten-ner ? I just wonder a bit anyway

 

[Deniel]

Yes, take a break. Let her ruin some other guy's life.

You talk as if women are all XXores !

 

[The_Professional]

You talk as if women are all XXores !

Umm, No. I wasn't even remotely implying to that

 

[Chrono]

She would bring you happiness then the lady you mentioned as your "firster", uhmm, how do people know it is your first-er or it is ten-ner ? I just wonder a bit anyway

My "firster"?