Write a Limerick: Join the Thread!

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In summary, the old man from Nantucket got lost on his way to the can, and looked all around but couldn't find it. He improvised with an old pan and felt like a fool because there was no water in the pool. The absent minded jellyfish lives on a far away planet and everyone talks to him because he has tentacles and he'll wear shoes and remember stockings but he'll never remember one person's name. The boy with a problem couldn't tell his head from his bottom and when Zooby told him his rhyme wasn't good, the poet went into a rage and kissed him.
  • #36
I'm going to go take a shower
I'll be back here in less than an hour
You take your time
and work on your rhyme
I'll be back soon to show you my power.
 
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  • #37
Thank you trib, cause man you really stink,
your rhymes are terrible, it's like you don't think,
when you put words together, it's like grinding nails on,
a chalkboard, remember I'm the teacher and it's on.
Your rhymes are.. maybe they'll be better after a drink.
 
  • #38
Your poems, do they make you proud?
They really stand out in a crowd.
But so does a guy
with unzippered fly
You should feel shame, and have your head bowed.
 
  • #39
What? you're not drunk?
Damn, it's worse than I thunk.
You have no excuse
and you rhyme like a moose
you're simply a no talent punk.
 
  • #40
Matt: the limerick wrecker
types with one hand on his _____
your rhymes are so bad
it's really so sad
You should try clicking on the crap-checker
 
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  • #41
There once was a Trib from Iran,
Who wrote verse that just wouldn't scan,
When asked why that was,
He said it's because,
He likes to fit as many words into the last line of his poems as he possibly can.
 
  • #42
lol
funny.
 
  • #43
I was just lurking around, reading posts
I wasn't even looking for sexy hosts
When I came across Evo
Who had a ticket to this show
That's how it was reclaimed from ghosts.
 
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  • #44
It's Evo who I should blame?
Damn, that's truly a shame.
She's not talking to me
No matter how hard I plea
I'm sorry! I'll try to be tame.
 
  • #45
Hearing these whack rhymes, I should take a header,
maybe if I wait, there will be something better,
but they would certainly not top the master,
bate is what will make the time go faster.
So I will wait, maybe even go write a letter.
 
  • #46
I thank you Evo for bringing this to my attention,
you would think funny would mean good rhyme invention,
but it doesn't, man is trib off tonight,
maybe it's just me, cause I'm so tight.
What the **** am I going to rhyme with attention?
 
  • #47
A letter? Why stop at one?
Write a hundred, that would be fun.
Cause when you're not here.
there's no pain in my ear.
And those letters, please send me none.
 
  • #48
Trib! now that was real good,
in fact it even changed mood,
I am no longer happy, now I grief,
rhymes so good I'll call you a thief.
I guess my excuse will be time for food.
 
  • #49
I'll be happy as long as you go
Your poems are worse than you know.
Try reading out loud
you won't be so proud
Your prose doesn't go with the flow.
 
  • #50
I think I am done for the night,
this will give trib time to bite,
my rhymes, which you know are number one,
yeah, you can't touch my lyrical massacre son,
spectators, sorry but it's going to be a short fight.
 
  • #51
mattmns said:
I think I am done for the night,
this will give trib time to bite,
my rhymes, which you know are number one,
yeah, you can't touch my lyrical massacre son,
spectators, sorry but it's going to be a short fight.
Oh, Matt, you are having no luck,
For your limericks truthfully suck.
You ought to back down,
Cause you sound like a clown,
And most chickens more lyrically cluck.
 
  • #52
Everyone seems to pick on Matt,
When his limericks fall a bit flat.
He tries really hard,
But misses by a yard,
Because rhythm can't be pulled from a hat.

(Dammit Greg, I need that groan smiley, stat!)
 
  • #53
There once was a mentor named Moonie
Who often was quite a bit moody
Twas the chocolate she craved
And the reason she behaved
In a manner some thought a bit loony
 
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  • #54
credit to Asimov

There once was a woman from Exeter
So beautiful men craned their necks at her
One daring young knave
Even ventured to wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.


There once was a couple William and Nelly
Who spent their honeymoon belly to belly
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petrolium jelly
 
  • #55
Contest: Supply the very difficult last rhyme:"I think lim'ricks should never be nasty,
Or insult those who need rhinoplasty,
But once in a while,
I do get a smile,
From a poke at someone _ _ __ __"
 
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  • #56
TheStatutoryApe said:
There once was a couple William and Nelly
Who spent their honeymoon belly to belly
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petrolium jelly
:smile: :smile: :smile:

There once was a mentor named Moonie
Who often was quite a bit moody
Twas the chocolate she craved
And the reason she behaved
In a manner some thought a bit loony


I work with someone who seems like a klutz,
When we're together, all we hit are ruts.
As her hands grow unsteady,
We can't explain this malady,
Except that she's allergic to nuts. :-p
 
  • #57
zoobyshoe said:
Contest: Supply the very difficult last rhyme:


"I think lim'ricks should never be nasty,
Or insult those who need rhinoplasty,
But once in a while,
I do get a smile,
From a poke at someone _ _ __ __"

...who paid my last fee. (darn, a syllable too long)
...running past me. (a bit better)
 
  • #58
The ideal solution must end in "asty" since this is so firmly established in the first two lines. I'm not sure there are any words that fit that bill.

The best I could do was:

"From a poke at someone who's an ass-flea."
 
  • #59
"I think lim'ricks should never be nasty,
Or insult those who need rhinoplasty,
But once in a while,
I do get a smile,
From a poke at someone _ _ __ __"

From a poke at someone "a bit flab-by?"Nice rhymes in here.
Tribdog:
(which doesn't really compare to the guy asking you to have his babies, but hey)

lates,
cotarded.
edit: didn't see zoobyshoe's since I spent like 15 minutes trying to write my own limerick, which was a total failure.
 
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  • #60
zoobyshoe said:
The ideal solution must end in "asty" since this is so firmly established in the first two lines. I'm not sure there are any words that fit that bill.
How about..."From a poke at someone's tush vasty."

http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?refid=1861732251

I'm definitely using a liberal dose of poetic license (and I might not have passed my licensing exam there) to arrange the words that way and use an archaic form of the word.

There's also a word, masty, that means full of mast, as in acorns.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Masty&r=66

A nifty site I found to help with these things:
http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?
 
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  • #61
Moonbear[/QUOTE said:
As her hands grow unsteady,
We can't explain this malady,
Moonbear, please go to the board and write "I will not try to rhyme "unsteady" and "malady" ever again," 100 times.
 
  • #62
zoobyshoe said:
As her hands grow unsteady,
We can't explain this malady,
Moonbear, please go to the board and write "I will not try to rhyme "unsteady" and "malady" ever again," 100 times.
Yep, I checked, they revoked my poetic license back in 1997.
 
  • #63
Moonbear said:
Yep, I checked, they revoked my poetic license back in 1997.

I'm sorry, but in that case you may have to do time.
 
  • #64
cotarded said:
lates,
cotarded.
edit: didn't see zoobyshoe's since I spent like 15 minutes trying to write my own limerick, which was a total failure.
Hmmmm. Hard to believe you're not a natural wordsmith.

By the way, what does "lates" mean?
 
  • #65
I think lim'ricks should never be nasty,
Or insult those who need rhinoplasty,
But once in a while,
I do get a smile,
From a poke at a golfer's brass tee

OK, lame whiff at that one. I like this one better.Them home brews should never taste nasty,
Or insult a nose needin' 'plasty,
But once in a while
I do broach a smile
From a sip of me pungent gas-tea.
 
  • #66
The boy rented a room
he was a new groom
his wife was not so nice
their dinner was always rice
they were afrai of gloom! :redface:
 
  • #67
Folks, people aren't getting the rhythm thing. The first, second and last line should all have the same number of syllables as each other. The second and third line match each other in syllables as well. Now, beyond that, you want to strive such that the stresses also are in the same place in each of the three, and each of the two.

Here is THE classic limerick:

There once was a lad from Nantucket
Whose ____ was so long he could ___ it.
He said with a grin,
As he licked off his chin,
If my ear was a ____ I could ___ it.

Now the rhythm in that is clear, definite, and unmistakable. It's easy to recite: just rolls of the tongue, and the reader doesn't have to do any gymnastics to make it work.
 
  • #68
Lisa! said:
The boy rented a room
he was a new groom
his wife was not so nice
their dinner was always rice
they were afrai of gloom! :redface:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who vomited blood in a bucket.
The reason, you see,
He loved lim'ricks, did he,
But witnessed this one and then chucked it.
 
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  • #69
When Hypnagogue started critiquin'
The blood everywhere began leakin'
Our fear of his pen,
Made mice out of men,
And our underwear's started a reekin'.
 
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  • #70
These lim'ricks are quite entertaining.
This statement I swear I'm not feigning.
Though some are quite yucky
Their authors are lucky
that Zooby provides proper training
 

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