Where Can Socially Awkward Men Find Compatible Partners?

[kuahji]

Okay, seriously? I reckon I'm a bit socially awkward at first, I've dated a few women, but now I'm 27 and nothing has worked out. I've recently been trying dating sites, but yeah the only messages I get are from women I have no interest in... I'm sorry but 21, three kids type, no schooling, no dice. I'm also at an awkward stage, I started college when I was 23, and I'm now finishing up my BS... so everyone is either younger or older.

And there are seriously no women in my physics classes. None. I don't really do the bar scene... not exactly where I'd expect to hit up intelligent women, though I do drink socially (not a total stiff). So yeah, I'm in the lab or working a lot because I love what I do, but I'd also like to find someone... but have no idea how too.

 

[Hepth]

I don't really do the bar scene... not exactly where I'd expect to hit up intelligent women

This is one problem; this is untrue. Many intelligent, interesting, attractive women go out to the bar, dance, etc. Why? Because what the hell else is there to do. So get that out of your head.

Second, ANYWHERE is fair game. Though everyone seems to be getting younger and younger emotionally and socially (I know 28yr old girls that would think a guy hitting on them ANYWHERE outside a bar is "creepy", are we still in high school? You're 28! My parents had 3 kids by then...) .EDIT: (Though I must also say that I know 28yr old guys who I would find creepy if they approached me grocery shopping too, perhaps more sleazy than creepy, so I can't totally blame them.)

Don't be afraid to talk to random people, BOTH guys and girls. Be friendly and outgoing, even if you have to force yourself. You'll end up practiced at it and enjoying it, making jokes in line when getting a coffee, etc. Maybe one time its someone who makes a joke back, you talk for a bit, and so on. Can't really force it.

 

[proof]

do you know of any good websites where you can learn/ memorize some good jokes to tell?

 

[turbo]

My nephew was complaining about a similar situation years back, and I told him to start doing his laundry at the laundromat in the county seat. Yes, he had a washer and dryer in his house, but what better way to meet women? Non-threatening atmosphere, need to kill time while the laundry gets done... See an attractive young woman doing laundry? Check. No baby-clothes or kid's clothes? Check. You already know that she's probably a local apartment-dweller, and probably has no children. That's a lot of information without any getting-to-know you or questions. If you can make small-talk while the washers and dryers re doing their things, that's good. Ask her if she'd mind keeping an eye on your washer while you pop out to the nearest coffee-shop for a cup, and ask how she'd like hers, because you'd like to bring a coffee for her, too. You get the idea.

 

[radou]

This is one problem; this is untrue. Many intelligent, interesting, attractive women go out to the bar, dance, etc. Why? Because what the hell else is there to do. So get that out of your head.

I second that.

Another good way to meet women is to walk your dog, if you have one. :) I regret for not having a dog often, since there are a lots of petty young ladies walking their dogs alone in the park just outside my house. Then again, you can get to know them without a dog easily enough, but having a dog would immediately give you a good reason to approach them and engage in a conversation.

 

[proof]

i do not know if women like this what do you think of this http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/g...pproaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

 

[Norman]

How social are you? Do you have a good network of friends? I was introduced to my wife by the guitarist in my band's then girlfriend (now wife). The two of them basically set us up. We would have never have met without them. So, do any of your friends have wives. Some women seem to really enjoy setting people up. Get them on your side.

I agree with turbo on this one - you need to change your schedule and go out of your way to meet some new people. Join a sport, or a new club, volunteer somewhere, get involved in your church (if you have one), etc.

Going out to bars is fine too, but it is hard also. Lots of competition and girls can be pretty leery of the scene. Forget meeting girls at college since you don't seem to want to date some one that young.

 

[nucleargirl]

:)
you shouldn't have a problem! look at yourself!
lol sorry.
ok, hm... I think libraries are good places... maybe supermarkets... but a bit wierd...
try joining clubs and societies and you'll meet people with similar interests - that's what they all tell you to do! or volunteering...
Basically, I think if a woman has seen you a few times before (like in a club/society/around your lab/where you live etc.) then its a lot easier to start a conversation - she won't think you're some wierdo - you'll be familiar to her - like she's seen you around, then its easier to get chatting and ask her out for a coffee or join her in whatever she's interested in doing.

 

[hotvette]

try joining clubs and societies and you'll meet people with similar interests

100% agree with this. When I was in my 20's I joined a singles hiking / backpacking club because I liked the outdoors. I dated several women I met and through a friend I met in the group eventually met my wife. A good friend of mine met his wife in a ballroom dancing class he took

 

[Astronuc]

I pretty much meet attractive and interesting women just about wherever I go, although I'm not looking for a date, since I'm married. For me, it's simply nice and enjoyable to meet and talk to interesting people in general.

When I was in university, I'd meet interesting and attractive women just walking across campus or in class. Near the library or near a womens' dorm is a great place.

I once was sitting on a patch of grass near the library. I don't remember, but I think it was to kill time before class. Anyway, a stray dog came up and sat by me. Pretty soon girls were stopping by to say high. It was pretty funny. I could have gotten dozens of dates, but I was already involved.

I never did the bar scene to meet women, although I did meet women at bars.

PF is a good place to meet attractive and interesting women.

 

[turbo]

I once was sitting on a patch of grass near the library. I don't remember, but I think it was to kill time before class. Anyway, a stray dog came up and sat by me. Pretty soon girls were stopping by to say high. It was pretty funny. I could have gotten dozens of dates, but I was already involved.

Dogs are great ice-breakers. I knew a young lady that lived off-campus who had a beautiful, fluffy husky. From time to time, she'd drop by and ask if I could keep an eye on him when she had lots of classes on my "light" days. No problemo! I'd take him out for a walk, and head toward the quad, the library, or maybe the student union (all nice public places). We'd sit together, and a pretty steady stream of young ladies would stop by to say hi.

My wife has already instructed me that something happens and she is out of my life, I should take Duke to parks, etc, to meet someone new. Not a bad idea. He is a babe-magnet (human ones, not just canine ones). First, it's "what a pretty dog!". Then I'll introduce him, and field the questions "where did you get him?", "how old is he?", "does he like kids?", etc, etc. Women don't mind talking to strangers when they can talk about something tangential to themselves or the stranger, while expressing a common interest (in this case a dog). Really, who could resist a face like this?

Just don't get an ugly dog or one with behavior problems and you'll be home free.

 

[wasteofo2]

You don't need to spy on people's laundry or buy an animal to meet women.

You can approach an attractive woman on the street and start talking to her. From there, decide if she's intelligent, interesting, nice, or whatever else you're looking for.

Here are two videos of a man who regularly meets women on the street and dates them:

http://krauserpua.com/2010/08/31/instant-date-a-model-step-by-step-analysis/

http://krauserpua.com/2010/10/01/sometimes-theres-not-enough-days-in-a-week-hb-french-fan/

 

[nucleargirl]

yeah, being nice to people on the street is good too! today this guy saluted at me! that made me laugh! I was feeling really tired and it cheered me up - so look out for glum-looking girls that you want to get to know, smile at them or do something funny and you might get chatting!

 

[FrancisZ]

"How do you actually meet women?"


In a word: WORK. You meet people at work. And I think that makes for better relationships also (you have some interest in common to start out with). So unless a company has issues with that--and it could jeopardize your career--I would suggest looking for women at work.

 

[DanP]

"How do you actually meet women?"


In a word: WORK. You meet people at work. And I think that makes for better relationships also (you have some interest in common to start out with). So unless a company has issues with that--and it could jeopardize your career--I would suggest looking for women at work.

So you can suffocate each other 24/24h ?

 

[FrancisZ]

So you can suffocate each other 24/24h ?

It never felt that way to me at least. And when we needed our space, we taught different classes anyway.

 

[DanP]

It never felt that way to me at least. And when we needed our space, we taught different classes anyway.

I think I would explode. No , wait, I know I would explode.

 

[wasteofo2]

About meeting women at work/in class/in your social group etc.

You can sit around and wait/hope for an attractive woman you'd be interested into be hired, or to sign up for your class, or to join your social club. It may or may not happen. When I was a teenager I only dated girls who I met this way. They were classmates, lived near me, in my social group, etc.

But you don't need to limit yourself to that. You can go out and meet attractive girls without having to wait for them to fall into your social situations.

Do you want to be the one who chooses what women you get to know, or do you want to leave that to your boss/random chance? You must pass by women every day that you're attracted to. What is stopping you from just starting a chat?

 

[D H]

In a word: WORK. You meet people at work.

Meeting your SO at work can work, sometimes. It can also work very badly, disastrously badly at times. Move out of the state, change careers, restart your life from ground zero badly. Crude and rather dated, "don't dip your pen in the company inkwell."

 

[bd7878]

i absolutely agree with DH - i would never date anyone i worked with. it can get ugly fast, if the relationship sours (which almost always happens with work romances - i mean how many marriages do you know of people who met through work), all of a sudden the intimate details of your life together is water cooler gossip.

 

[proof]

About meeting women at work/in class/in your social group etc.

You can sit around and wait/hope for an attractive woman you'd be interested into be hired, or to sign up for your class, or to join your social club. It may or may not happen. When I was a teenager I only dated girls who I met this way. They were classmates, lived near me, in my social group, etc.

But you don't need to limit yourself to that. You can go out and meet attractive girls without having to wait for them to fall into your social situations.

Do you want to be the one who chooses what women you get to know, or do you want to leave that to your boss/random chance? You must pass by women every day that you're attracted to. What is stopping you from just starting a chat?

an aversion to mace

 

[Moonbear]

"How do you actually meet women?"


In a word: WORK. You meet people at work. And I think that makes for better relationships also (you have some interest in common to start out with). So unless a company has issues with that--and it could jeopardize your career--I would suggest looking for women at work.

That presumes you work in a place with a lot of other single people to find someone to pair up with. I can't think of anyone I work with who is single besides me. That sort of limits the opportunities there (not that I'm looking, but if there is some single male who is looking, that just reduced the pool of single women to one who is not available).

Have any of the people here who are trying to figure out how to approach the opposite sex considered simply being genuinely friendly with other people? Just smiling and saying hello when you pass someone on your daily walks, or if you're in a crowded cafe for lunch, politely asking if there's a seat available at the table of someone sitting by themself, or inviting someone else searching for a table in the same situation to join you? It's not always about going out seeking a date so much as just meeting lots of people until something clicks when you have a conversation with one. Most of the guys I've dated in my life weren't people I found when actually out looking for dates (there were a couple, and they didn't last long at all). They were people who I just bumped into and had friendly conversations with and found out we enjoyed talking to each other.

 

[bp_psy]

Have any of the people here who are trying to figure out how to approach the opposite sex considered simply being genuinely friendly with other people?

Don't be ridiculous.

 

[DanP]

Most of the guys I've dated in my life weren't people I found when actually out looking for dates (there were a couple, and they didn't last long at all). They were people who I just bumped into and had friendly conversations with and found out we enjoyed talking to each other.

Found the total package by "accident", didn't you ? Those things do happen. This is how I've met the woman with who I had my longest relation so far. In a Café.

 

[FrancisZ]

I think I would explode. No , wait, I know I would explode.

What can I say? I'm more of the marrying of souls kind of person (like in Star Trek the Motion Picture--Decker merging with Vger). My love was my partner in every sense of the word. We would fix broken equipment together. She was my twin.

Meeting your SO at work can work, sometimes. It can also work very badly, disastrously badly at times. Move out of the state, change careers, restart your life from ground zero badly. Crude and rather dated, "don't dip your pen in the company inkwell."

Well, I wasn't actually looking at the time, it just sort of happened; actually, she was the last person in the world I would have thought to get involved with. It was just a very fluid and natural bonding. She was my soul mate truly.

Going out of the way to search for a mate at work, would probably not have worked out so well. It isn't genuine; it's a slightly more fabricated relationship.

i absolutely agree with DH - i would never date anyone i worked with. it can get ugly fast, if the relationship sours (which almost always happens with work romances - i mean how many marriages do you know of people who met through work), all of a sudden the intimate details of your life together is water cooler gossip.

It wasn't anyone's business, and we kept our romance strictly between each other (as I believe all affairs out to be).

When were working, that was the most important thing. It was more a humanitarian cause to us; and we both reasoned that that had to come first, between the hours of 7AM and 5PM.

That presumes you work in a place with a lot of other single people to find someone to pair up with. I can't think of anyone I work with who is single besides me.

Again, I honestly would never recommend to anyone, intentionally seeking somebody out at work; just that it can potentially happen (and it can be nice when it does).

That sort of limits the opportunities there (not that I'm looking, but if there is some single male who is looking, that just reduced the pool of single women to one who is not available).

Have any of the people here who are trying to figure out how to approach the opposite sex considered simply being genuinely friendly with other people? Just smiling and saying hello when you pass someone on your daily walks, or if you're in a crowded cafe for lunch, politely asking if there's a seat available at the table of someone sitting by themself, or inviting someone else searching for a table in the same situation to join you? It's not always about going out seeking a date so much as just meeting lots of people until something clicks when you have a conversation with one. Most of the guys I've dated in my life weren't people I found when actually out looking for dates (there were a couple, and they didn't last long at all). They were people who I just bumped into and had friendly conversations with and found out we enjoyed talking to each other.

Not for anything, but I totally despise the bar scene. I don't believe people are serious about relationships in bars.

 

[ThomasT]

Okay, seriously? I reckon I'm a bit socially awkward at first, I've dated a few women, but now I'm 27 and nothing has worked out. I've recently been trying dating sites, but yeah the only messages I get are from women I have no interest in... I'm sorry but 21, three kids type, no schooling, no dice. I'm also at an awkward stage, I started college when I was 23, and I'm now finishing up my BS... so everyone is either younger or older.

And there are seriously no women in my physics classes. None. I don't really do the bar scene... not exactly where I'd expect to hit up intelligent women, though I do drink socially (not a total stiff). So yeah, I'm in the lab or working a lot because I love what I do, but I'd also like to find someone... but have no idea how too.

Ok, forget about dating sites. Forget the excuses. Women are everywhere. And they all want to hook up. You used the word awkward twice. So, I suspect that your real problem is that you're just not confident.

You have to be confident, and it has to be real. How do you overcome any fear? By confronting whatever it is that you're afraid of. In your case it seems to be women. It's quite normal. Most guys experience some sort of anxiety associated with approaching women that they're attracted to. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's part of what makes it exciting, and fun, and worth doing.

What worked for me was getting past looking for a certain 'type' of woman -- and pretty much hitting on any woman whose attention I could get for more than a few seconds. Of course this can result in certain other problems which we don't need to get into now.

Embrace rejection, because you will experience a lot of it. Mostly it will be funny and gentle, but rejection nonetheless. The idea is that the more women you approach and engage in conversation, the better chance you have of hooking up. And remember, they all want to hook up.

So, get out of Awkland. Get yourself in shape, and get out there and do it. We're rooting for you, and remember that so are the women that you will approach. If you mess up, don't worry about it. There are LOTS of women -- and they ALL want to hook up. Just maybe not with you. But there's really only one way to find out.

I hope that little pep talk helped.

It certainly helped me. I think I'll go out tonight. Wish me luck.

 

[turbo]

Not for anything, but I totally despise the bar scene. I don't believe people are serious about relationships in bars.

Some people don't have a lot of choices. Lots of folks who show up in the weekend bar scenes are trying to get out, and meet others. I think that a lot of the young women who showed up when I was playing were just trying to cut loose a bit. They'd keep close and hang out, but it's just because I was nice to them, and they liked me. We did OK.

After spending almost all of college trying to navigate the oddness of fraternities and their "entertainment committees" to provide them with musical entertainment back in the 70s, it was a almost a relief to find myself back looking for commercial bookings in bars.

 

[ThomasT]

Well I'm back. Had a nice time. Met a couple of ladies named "Off" or something like that. (I've met a lot of women by that name. Seems to be a very common name -- sounds Germanic or Russian.) I didn't catch their first names.

 

[DanP]

What can I say? I'm more of the marrying of souls kind of person (like in Star Trek the Motion Picture--Decker merging with Vger).

Wasn't that a threesome of some sort ? V'ger absorbed both Ilea and Decker

My love was my partner in every sense of the word. We would fix broken equipment together. She was my twin.

I believe you. But we are different. I like being near the person I am with a great deal of time. But not all the time.

Not for anything, but I totally despise the bar scene. I don't believe people are serious about relationships in bars.

Not all relationships have to be "serious". You date someone, you see how it's going on. Keep reasonable expectations, and you may end surprised :P You should try sometimes.

 

[FrancisZ]

Well I'm back. Had a nice time. Met a couple of ladies named "Off" or something like that. (I've met a lot of women by that name. Seems to be a very common name -- sounds Germanic or Russian.) I didn't catch their first names.

"What's your name beautiful; what's your name gorgeous? What? #@#$-off? Really are you Russian?" Robin Williams.

Wasn't that a threesome of some sort ? V'ger absorbed both Ilea and Decker

Maybe technically. Not my thing; but you get the idea.

Not all relationships have to be "serious". You date someone, you see how it's going on. Keep reasonable expectations, and you may end surprised :P You should try sometimes.

I'm usually a serious person in general. Unless I'm really comfortable with someone.

 

[turbo]

You don't need to spy on people's laundry or buy an animal to

You certainly don't have to buy an animal. In college, I was renting a house in Orono when a Broadway technical director and his family were living across the street. He'd leave on Sunday and come back on Thursday night (at the earliest), and his wife and kids were too busy and self-absorbed, so I'd just "kidnap" Bilbo when I wanted to get out for exercise. He was a very energetic but obedient Springer, and we would take long walks together. I'd just go out into the street and ask him if he wanted to walk, and he'd be glued to me. He loved walking the rail-line between Orono (we lived at the North end of the Stillwater trestle) and the James River paper mill in Old Town. He loved the park, too, but locating and flushing birds and small animals got him all worked up, so I tried to give him lots of those opportunities.

 

[DanP]

Maybe technically. Not my thing; but you get the idea.

Yes, I got the technicality =)

I'm usually a serious person in general. Unless I'm really comfortable with someone.

Hence the trick is to be comfortable with as many ppl as you can. And explore :P

 

[Pyrrhus]

Many ways, I meet my female neighbors by doing laundry or friendly talk in the elevator. I also meet girls at bars/clubs/stores, sometimes. Fellow female classmate or through other male classmates. Sometimes, girls meet me (about 2 weeks ago a fellow female classmate asked me out). Where else? ah recently, I've been getting back in touch with my roots, and I've been going to dance studios 1 per week to dance some salsa, bachata and merengue. You can meet a lot of girls in dance studios or salsa clubs.

In other words, meet girls by going outside of your place, and sometimes out of your bubble (comfort zone). Now, creating romantic links to the girls you meet is another topic.

Oh, some good advice before I forget. The first time you meet a girl (when you are asking her out to get together), remember to NOT CANCEL, and ALWAYS SHOW UP. It sounds stupid and obvious, but first impressions are important. Sometimes, I forget that rule as well. Also, REJECTION is normal, but don't always assume she rejected you. On rejection is better to be on the safe side, ask her out about 3-4 times spread out during the week and different days, and observe if she makes any effort to follow up. Remember, if she's interested, she'll MAKE TIME FOR YOU. Also keeping contact with the girl is good, text her or call her once in a while. Don't be too clingy. I like to keep it unpredictable. I keep unpredictable the asking her out too (this can be problematic for the rigid schedule girls). I like playing the whole thing by ear.

 

[physeven]

yes this happened to me scores of times! there are NO girls in any of my classes, except my electives which i barely attend, and i never ever have a chance to meet a proper woman. guess physics is my woman (cheesy comment)

 

[Pyrrhus]

yes this happened to me scores of times! there are NO girls in any of my classes, except my electives which i barely attend, and i never ever have a chance to meet a proper woman. guess physics is my woman (cheesy comment)

Find women elsewhere!, there are tons of women. Find where they agglomerate and go there. Try some dancing places, even if you don't like dancing. It can be a great tool to meet women. You know how many salsa clubs there are?

An alternative not requiring any learning is bring a book to a public place where women gather, and start conversations and see where they lead.