Hi all. I apologize in advance for the long post, but I can't really

[Null_]

Hi all. I apologize in advance for the long post, but I can't really relate to many people and am hoping you all can offer some invaluable advice.

I've recently been enjoying being alone, doing absolutely nothing a lot more than being with others. I had a group of friends throughout middle school until soph. year of high school, but they started drinking entirely too much for me, not to mention partaking in other illegal activities. I just graduated from high school a few days ago, and I haven't had any close friends since soph. year.

I know the problem is most definitely me. I have had invites to hang out with people, but no one thinks like I do. In this newly found free time that I have, I've really gotten into physics and philosophy. Not high level stuff, but enough to keep me entertained and wanting to know more. I have a really hard time finding the pleasure in a crowded gymnasium watching a ball being thrown into a hoop when I could be learning about life and the universe.

I read as many popular science books as I can, and I'm doing some MIT online classes. I really like this combination. I also find myself just aimlessly surfing the internet, which bothers me because it's such a waste of time.

Now I'm not saying I'm a total recluse. I have gone on several dates in the past month, but I can't seem to fall for any of them. I have hung out with friends, but they have a close group which I don't want to join because of their activities.

Also, I seem kind of depressed about life in general. I was a Christian...I really believed in everything and sought it deeper than most. That's why I didn't get into excessive drinking or anything. But I've thought about it a lot, and have come to the conclusion that I don't believe in Christianity anymore. Not that that's really relevant, but I am having "cosmological depression." What's the point in trying in anything if a) the people I impact will just die anyway, b) the sun will collapse in the *near* future, c) the universe may collapse. Thoughts of eternity and infinity also leave me with this sense of extreme helplessness...I can't really explain it, but I almost break down in tears at the pointlessness of everything.

I'm excited for college in the fall because I'm going to a big engineering school. I think I'll find more people like me...at least someone who would rather gaze through a telescope than watch the newest episode of Glee. While I'm slightly sad that I didn't have a group for the last few years, I would have never gotten into physics if I continued hanging with them.

I don't really know what I'm asking here...maybe some comfort, guidance, motivation, past experiences...anything you think may be of help.

 

[rewebster]

the people that you hung around may end up flipping burgers-----maybe there's just not enough people that have goals like you in your around-----things will change when you start college

 

[Null_]

Well, three of them didn't get into any universities...they're going to community college. One is going to the state's "party school." The other "top" people in my high school are too annoying for me (sorry for the bluntness), but all they care about is grades, not the learning at all, which is why I've never been friends with them.

 

[rewebster]

you'll find a whole new crowd when you get to college

 

[jackmell]

I was a Christian...I really believed in everything and sought it deeper than most. That's why I didn't get into excessive drinking or anything. But I've thought about it a lot, and have come to the conclusion that I don't believe in Christianity anymore. Not that that's really relevant, but I am having "cosmological depression." What's the point in trying in anything if a) the people I impact will just die anyway, b) the sun will collapse in the *near* future, c) the universe may collapse. Thoughts of eternity and infinity also leave me with this sense of extreme helplessness...I can't really explain it, but I almost break down in tears at the pointlessness of everything.

That's an issue isn't it.

Every person which follows that path is confronted with those uncomfortable thoughts and so in one regards, religion does offer some comfort, albeit misleading, deceptive, and wrong in my opinion. So one has to choose: do I seek the truth and with that knowledge find myself in a world without a grand purpose, without a God, and without meaning, or do I seek religious succor to give some semblance of meaning to my life. You have to be strong-willed to choose and live the former life and be happy in that life finding whatever fun, and meaning you choose to seek. In time I think, you'll slowly not worry so much about these philosophical ideas and simply become more practical: how do I live a fun and happy life today.

If you are not strong-willed, then perhaps the latter suggestion is a more practical approach to living for you.

 

[EnumaElish]

I can't really explain it, but I almost break down in tears at the pointlessness of everything.

You sound like a strong person, to look at your truth (the pointlessness of it) in the eye. FWIW, tears once in a while can be a good thing. Also, there's nothing wrong with finding solace in religion either temporarily, or even in the longer run. The thing to remember is to look for help at times of loss, even for "cosmological loss." "Help" can be different depending on the person -- religion, therapy, physical activity, meditation, ... can work differently for different people, even for the same person at different stages of his/her life.

I'm excited for college in the fall because I'm going to a big engineering school. I think I'll find more people like me...at least someone who would rather gaze through a telescope than watch the newest episode of Glee. While I'm slightly sad that I didn't have a group for the last few years, I would have never gotten into physics if I continued hanging with them.

Once you are in college, you may start to feel differently, but if you start feeling "down and alone" all the time, you may want to look into counseling. Many schools have professional counselors for their students.