What do physics TAs think of their students? o.O

[thunderstorms]

Would any ever consider dating one (err, one who's no longer in the TA's class)?

I guess you can see what I'm getting at here...

I want to ask a former TA out or something, but we've never really talked, and if we did it was about class, because I'm one of those quiet people (-_-). He's not really the type to act really chummy to his students anyway, so it would be hard to try to strike up a conversation or something. Actually, it's hard because our paths will never cross now that I'm not in his class, ...
There was a thread from a long time ago about a guy asking a female TA out by email or something, and the general consensus was "no"...but what if the person/former student who's doing the asking is the girl? Any difference? And do TAs (or just physics TAs...physics people seem to hate bio majors...=\) ever think of their students as dating material, or just stupid little undergrads?
I was thinking about just sticking it out and sending him and email, but after all those "NO"s I have no idea what to do. The thought of getting my email sent to his supervisor or whatever is pretty frightening.

Ahh, what to do?

 

[Moonbear]

I think the advice was against using email as a method of asking someone out on a date, if I recall that thread correctly. I think there were some other issues there that suggested the former TA was unlikely to be interested in any way.

If a TA is a first-year grad student, there is often not much difference in age between them and their undergraduate students, so it's not impossible that they'd see them as potential dating material, which is why they are warned quite a bit about the ethical issues of dating a student.

I am wondering why you're interested in him if you have never had a conversation other than about class material. I did go on a date with a former TA when I was in college (and when the date consisted of him burning all the food he cooked...forgiveable and kind of cute that he was so nervous, and then showing me his qualifying exam and telling me how easy it was that even I could have done it...unforgiveable sign he was a total dork, there was no second date), but it was based on our conversations when we ran into each other again after the class ended.

I think requests for dates should be made in person, or over the phone. Emails are a bit of an odd means of making such a request...dating is something personal, so such an impersonal way of asking seems very inappropriate.

 

[Hootenanny]

And don't request a date by letter; a sure sign that there's a cog loose somewhere... (In my experience)

 

[thunderstorms]

Yeah...emailing isn't a good way of asking. It's the only thing I can think of though, besides somehow finding his whereabouts at times of the day when I don't have class and trying to purposely run into him--which, I think, is weird in itself, just like emailing. About having conversations beforehand though...don't people randomly ask guys/girls out in clubs/bars before they get to know each other at all? Or is it just me and my ignorance about "normal social behavior" haha...

Bah, if only he didn't have his office hours when I have class! I don't even know where to find him if I wanted to ask him in person. Sigh -_- still don't know what to do. This is bothering me so much that I thought sending and email and getting rejected might make me stop, you know, feeling this way. Liking someone sucks! -_-

On another note...

I thought sending letters of romantic nature were pretty normal back in the day. A letter now would just mean someone's really old fashioned or something. To me, anyway.

 

[Pyrrhus]

Well, This is coming from a TA. I've found some of the girls, I've helped through the years, cute. Also, I wouldn't mind dating them.

 

[Moonbear]

Yeah...emailing isn't a good way of asking. It's the only thing I can think of though, besides somehow finding his whereabouts at times of the day when I don't have class and trying to purposely run into him--which, I think, is weird in itself, just like emailing.

Heh, yeah, when you put it that way, it does sound sort of stalker-ish, doesn't it?

About having conversations beforehand though...don't people randomly ask guys/girls out in clubs/bars before they get to know each other at all? Or is it just me and my ignorance about "normal social behavior" haha...

Yeah, but I just didn't know why you're so interested in him if you couldn't have a conversation. Usually the idea of going out with someone you meet in a club is so you can get to know each other enough to decide if you want to date more regularly.

Bah, if only he didn't have his office hours when I have class! I don't even know where to find him if I wanted to ask him in person. Sigh -_- still don't know what to do. This is bothering me so much that I thought sending and email and getting rejected might make me stop, you know, feeling this way. Liking someone sucks! -_-

Can you find out whose lab he works in and visit him there?

On another note...

I thought sending letters of romantic nature were pretty normal back in the day. A letter now would just mean someone's really old fashioned or something. To me, anyway.

They were used to correspond romantically, but not for initiating the date. There's still something really nice about hand-written love letters, at least to me.

 

[Mk]

Heh, yeah, when you put it that way, it does sound sort of stalker-ish, doesn't it?

No! People do that all the time don't they? Try and arrange a fake "oh, hey there you are!"

They were used to correspond romantically, but not for initiating the date. There's still something really nice about hand-written love letters, at least to me.

I think they always will be. The element of genuine sincerity and sentimentalism is carried through a real letter.

 

[thunderstorms]

Okay, I guess it's not weird to "run into him" if he never knows that it's on purpose...

Yeah, but I just didn't know why you're so interested in him if you couldn't have a conversation. Usually the idea of going out with someone you meet in a club is so you can get to know each other enough to decide if you want to date more regularly.

I don't know...one can be attracted to others without ever really having much conversation right? heh :shy: And yeah, that's sort of what I wanted to do (get to know him on a date), because there's no other way to get to know him...Unless I wait three months for a new quarter and maybe he would have office hours I could go to--an idea I'm not really considering because it would be a bit odd to not ever see him for so long then suddenly start talking (or trying to talk) to him. Right?

Can you find out whose lab he works in and visit him there?

The amount of digging required to find out is probably going to let him know that I've been...well, digging. A lot. The way things are with the physics dept., I don't know if I can...

Cyclovenom: I could only hope he thinks like you! xD I wonder what the difference--if there is one--between what caucasian guys think as cute in girls and what asian guys think as cute, lol. I'm...chinese, so basically = really about that. ooy.


On letters...I agree. Feels like whoever wrote it is willing to take the time to do such a thing (talking would be a lot faster right?). Letters have a cuteness to them also, because it feels like the writer is shy to say it face to face. Aww xD

 

[Pyrrhus]

I don't know, it wouldn't be so weird if you remember him! (Obviously you do!, i mean if even 4 months went by, or weeks or days, whatever). There've been a couple of times when i remember a person and i just say hello and ask how's it going? how's life?, you know that kind of stuff. Some people react nicely, others are a bit confused then act nice, and others just don't remember me, but usually a nudge in the right direction gets it done. Try it!, just don't lose your poise.

About the meeting him "by accident": It's a good idea!, but you should try to act friendly enough that you might generate a exchange of contact info. It could be something like: "Hey, may i get your contact, i think i might need your help on this...", at first he'd probably figure is for college, but that's a start for other topics of conversations. Actually, relationships by proximity are not that easy, at least you won't be seeing this guy too much if it works out.

Good luck!

 

[J77]

When I was a masters stude, one of my mates went out with an RA in the dept - he got a bollocking, she got a bigger one from the HoD.

 

[Integral]

TA's usually have an office, and they usually hold office hours, which, unless it is the day before a test, means they sit patiently waiting for someone to come by. Stop in, say hello.. take it from there.

If any of my ex students had stopped by and asked me out on a date, I would have been blown away... my wife would not have be so happy if I had accepted.

 

[Moonbear]

I don't know...one can be attracted to others without ever really having much conversation right? heh :shy: And yeah, that's sort of what I wanted to do (get to know him on a date), because there's no other way to get to know him...Unless I wait three months for a new quarter and maybe he would have office hours I could go to--an idea I'm not really considering because it would be a bit odd to not ever see him for so long then suddenly start talking (or trying to talk) to him. Right?

It might work better if a little more time has elapsed since the class (unless of course that gives him time to meet someone else in the meantime). Then, you could manage to be just passing by in the hall about the time he leaves his office hours and say hi and inquire what he's doing there (as if you didn't know ), and then the next week you could stop into chat during his office hours. A little less obvious (mostly to save face if he isn't interested, though I'm sure he'll catch on quickly enough unless he's a total blockhead), but that would also leave some time since you were his student so he doesn't have that mental taboo on his mind (and for you to be sure it's not just a passing crush on an instructor that will pass in a month or two).

 

[thunderstorms]

:p okay thank you guys!