Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

View attachment 342106

For those interested in more...

https://www.facebook.com/wallingfordsign/

 

[phinds]

and one that was written specifically for me:

 

[DrGreg]

...COMPLANING I'M FAT

I didn't know Complan was a verb!

 

[phinds]

I didn't know Complan was a verb!

Jokes don't require proper spelling. That's a well known, longstanding rule that I just made up.

 

[berkeman]

I didn't know Complan was a verb!

Hey, they only had 2 "I"s in their box of letters that day...

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Filip Larsen]

Well the boy already equated 10 with 10! ... so some part of his brain must have known what that would mean.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 342118

I hope the boy's speech bubble in the third panel doesn't get counted as a wish.

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 342106

In the quantum world, if you get scared by the same thing twice, nothing new happens the second time. If you get scared of something else the second time, it's anyone's guess.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

I think I might have seen this here before, but it's worth repeating:

 

[phinds]

I've been letting my hair grow longer and in anticipation of that, I decided to research what was the best shampoo.

I polled 100 women and almost all of them were very strongly of the opinion that I should get the hell out of their shower.

 

[phinds]

My son was emphasizing some point or other recently and backed it up by saying that he based it on polling data.

I told him I didn't trust poles because I had taken a pole myself once and all it did was piss off everyone in the tent.

He said I was spelling it wrong. Damn youngster will make up anything to bolster his point.

My revenge will be to give his son lots of sugar and teach him to cuss.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what they want to change it to.

(Wow, my iPhone's "predictive text" predicted every word of the answer!)

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 342233

"Ballet of the Unhatched Chicks" from Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition:

 

[DrGreg]

"Ballet of the Unhatched Chicks" from Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition:

An electronic version of the same piece, by the Japanese electronic music pioneer Isao Tomita.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 342233

 

[DennisN]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[johntpl]

View attachment 342027

Be the meme you’d like to see in the world…

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

Accidentally put my phone in airplane mode.
Got in the car and the door fell off!

 

[Borg]

What did the supervisor say to the worker who forgot to install the bolts on the 737?

Spoiler

That's just plane nuts!

 

[Orodruin]

Accidentally put my phone in airplane mode.
Got in the car and the door fell off!

What sound does an airplane door make as it bounces off the ground several times?

Spoiler

Boeiiing! Boeiing! Boeing!

 

[WWGD]

What sound does an airplane door make as it bounces off the ground several times?

Spoiler

Boeiiing! Boeiing! Boeing!

Only if someone is there to hear it.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]