- #1
DaveC426913
Gold Member
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I'm looking for a good metaphor with which to embellish a story I have in the works.
Imagine the story is about finding a path that hopefully takes you home, but you can only see a few short yards before it bends out of sight. You round a corner and discover someone is just yards ahead you, desperately laying down this path, always just ahead of you. The path has no destination - it is not going anywhere other than 'in front of you' - ad libbing, as it were. (In fact, it could be said that you are directing the path, and the path-layer is only reactionary.)
The crux of the story - and thus the focus of the metaphor - is the guy desperately laying down a path just steps in front of you, and the violation of trust and betrayal you feel.
My first metaphor was a carrot on a stick, but that's not quite right. The mule is being led to a destination, chosen by the rider carrying the stick.
Another metaphor is obvious: Oz's "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" Unfortunately, it's a little too obvious. It's so laden with history and interpretation it would overwhelm the story itself.
Another one was that cliched Sherlock Holmes with magnifying glass, hunched over, following footprints through the forest, only to round a corner and find just a pair of shoes with sticks in them, obviously faking footprints.If you think of a metaphor, it might help to test it by seeing how well it might be encapsulated in a hypothetical title for the story. Spurious examples:
"Carrot on a Stick", or
"The Man Behind the Curtain", or
"The Case of the Wandering Footsteps".Ideas?
Imagine the story is about finding a path that hopefully takes you home, but you can only see a few short yards before it bends out of sight. You round a corner and discover someone is just yards ahead you, desperately laying down this path, always just ahead of you. The path has no destination - it is not going anywhere other than 'in front of you' - ad libbing, as it were. (In fact, it could be said that you are directing the path, and the path-layer is only reactionary.)
The crux of the story - and thus the focus of the metaphor - is the guy desperately laying down a path just steps in front of you, and the violation of trust and betrayal you feel.
My first metaphor was a carrot on a stick, but that's not quite right. The mule is being led to a destination, chosen by the rider carrying the stick.
Another metaphor is obvious: Oz's "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" Unfortunately, it's a little too obvious. It's so laden with history and interpretation it would overwhelm the story itself.
Another one was that cliched Sherlock Holmes with magnifying glass, hunched over, following footprints through the forest, only to round a corner and find just a pair of shoes with sticks in them, obviously faking footprints.If you think of a metaphor, it might help to test it by seeing how well it might be encapsulated in a hypothetical title for the story. Spurious examples:
"Carrot on a Stick", or
"The Man Behind the Curtain", or
"The Case of the Wandering Footsteps".Ideas?