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The Blues

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409

. . . . The Blues - The Official Rules


1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this mornin' ..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues,
. . unless you stick something nasty in the next line, like
. . "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. .After you get the first line right,
. . repeat it. .Then find something that rhymes (sort of).
. . "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
. . Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
. . Got teeth like Godzilla and she weigh five hundred pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. .You stuck in a ditch,
. . you stuck in a ditch . . . ain't no way out.

5. Blue cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
. . Also, a greyhound bus or a southbound train. .Lear jets and
. . company cars on expense account are not even close to the
. . Blues. .Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle; so
. . does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. .They ain't fixin' to die yet.
. . Adults can sing the Blues. .In Blues, adulthood means being
. . old enough to get the chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or
. . any place in Canada. .Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle
. . is probably just clinical depression. .Chicago, St. Louis and
. . Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. .You
. . can't have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. .A woman
. . with male pattern baldness is. .Breaking your leg while skiing
. . is not the Blues. .Breaking your leg 'cause an alligator be
. . chompin' on it is.

9. You can't have the Blues in an office or a mall. .The lighting is
. . wrong. .Go outside to the parking lot and sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
. . . . a. Highway
. . . . b. Jail
. . . . c. An empty bed
. . . . d. Bottom of a whiskey glass

11. Bad places for the Blues:
. . . . a. Nordstrom's
. . . . b. Gallery openings
. . . . c. English Lit lectures
. . . . d. Golf courses

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless
. . . you're an old ethnic person and you slept in it.

13. You have the right to sing the Blues if:
. . . a. You older than dirt
. . . b. You blind
. . . c. You shot a man in Memphis
. . . d. You can't be satisfied

14. You do not have the right to sing the Blues if:
. . . a. You have all your teeth
. . . b. The man in Memphis lived
. . . c. You just totaled your Mercedes
. . . d. You have a pension fund

15. Blues is not a matter of color. .It's a matter of bad luck.
. . . Tiger Woods can't sing the Blues. .Sonny Liston could.
. . . Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

16. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
. . . it's the Blues.

17. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
. . . a. Cheap wine
. . . b. Whiskey or bourban
. . . c. Muddy water
. . . d. Nasty black coffee

18. The following are not Blues beverages:
. . . a. Perrier
. . . b. Chardonnay
. . . c. Snapple
. . . d. Slim Fast

19. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack,
. . . it's a Blues death. .Stabbed in the back by a jealous
. . . lover is another Blues way to die. .So is the electric
. . . chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken
. . . cot. .You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
. . . tennis match or while getting liposuction.

20. Some Blues names for women:
. . . a. Sadie
. . . b. Big Mama
. . . c. Bessie
. . . d. Fat River Dumpling

21. Some Blues names for men:
. . . a. Joe
. . . b. Willie
. . . c. Little Willie
. . . d. Big Willie

22. People with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie and
. . . Heather are not allowed to sing the Blues, no matter
. . . how many men they shot in Memphis.

23. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
. . . a. name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Lame, Cripple)
. . . b. name of a fruit (Lime, Lemon, Melon)
. . . c. last name of a President (Jackson, Johnson, Jefferson)
. . . Example: Blind Lemon Jackson

24. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer,
. . . you are not allowed to sing the Blues.
 

Deveno

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Feb 15, 2012
1,967
can my blues name be Skinny Slim Johnson? please? pretty please?

"Well i woke up this morning, swear i'd froze to death.
Yeah.... i woke up this morning, swear i froze to death.
smacked my head on the wall...
i couldn't see beyond my breath."

oh, and Debbie oughtta be 'lowed to sing the blues iffn her first name be Dallas.
 

kanderson

Member
Jul 7, 2012
13
Where do you come up with these? They seem never endingly spouting from you.