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Some help please

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409

Hello, everyone!

In a few weeks, I'll be going to my sixtieth high-school reunion.
(Yean, I'm that old . . . do the math!)
Believe it or not, most of us are still around.

I plan to do a stand-up routine about "You may be attending
your 60th reunion if . . . "

Here are some of the one-liners I plan to use.

If your knees buckle and your belt won't . . .
(you may be attending your 60th reunion).

If your back goes out more often than you do . . .

If you bend down to tie your shoelace
and you wonder if there's anything else
you can do while you're done there . . .

If your spouse says, "Honey, let's go upstairs and make love,"
and you answer," Darling, I can't do both" . . .

If you forget names,
then your forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
then you forget to pull your zipper down . . .


I was hoping that this community could come up with
a few more zingers for me. .How about it, gang?
 

MarkFL

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 24, 2012
13,775
Here are a few I found:


  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
  • Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.
  • You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
  • You sing along with the elevator music.
  • People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  • Your ears are hairier than your head.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
  • People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you're breathing.
  • Most of your sentences begin with, "When I was your age..."
  • Children often innocently ask you, "What did people do before electricity?" And you can't remember.
 

DreamWeaver

Well-known member
Sep 16, 2013
337
When your dog insists on taking you for a walk because he thinks YOU need the exercise...

When you sunbathe in in a sweatshirt, because there's still a bit of a chilly breeze, isn't there?

When you're an ardent opponent of creationism simply because you've been around long enough to see evolution in action...

When, if you minimize a window on your laptop, you still can't help but worry that it might have disappeared altogether...

When you start to think that, actually, golf is not really so bad an idea after all, is it...? And the clothes are quite fashionable too, no?

When you not only mix up other people's names but frequently address other people with your own...

When you realize just how important a high fibre diet really is, and actually grow to love it...

When you think discussing your recent bowel movements - or lack thereof - is an appropriate topic of conversation to discuss with strangers at bus stops...




Not very good... Sorry. :eek: I'll wrack my brain a bit and try to come up with some better ones.
 

topsquark

Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Aug 30, 2012
1,143
I'll add to the last one:

When you think discussing your recent bowel movements - or lack thereof - is an appropriate topic of conversation to (loudly) discuss with strangers at bus stops...

-Dan