Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day.
Jesus selected an iron and teed up.
Moses said, "You should use a wood."
Jesus ignored him and His ball plopped into a water hazard.
"Told you," said Moses. He parted the water and retrieved the ball.
The Lord said, "Tiger Woods made this shot with this very iron.
If he can do it, I can do it!"
He teed up and again lobbed the ball into the pond.
Moses retrieved the ball and said, "This is the last time."
"Tiger Woods made this shot. If he can do it, I can do it," said Jesus.
And once again, the ball landed in the water.
"You can get it yourself," said Moses.
Jesus walked out on the water, looking for the ball.
Another golfer arrived and seeing a man walking on the water,
said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"
"No," said Moses. "He thinks He's Tiger Woods."
A crowd was gathered to stone a woman for adultry.
Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
A stone flew out of the crowd and knocked the woman down.
Jesus put his hands on His hips. ."That's not funny, Mom!"
Abe and Sol walked past a Catholic church.
A sign said: "Convert to Catholicism and get \$500."
"I'll go see what that's all about," said Abe and went in.
Several minutes later he came out and said, "I'm a Catholic."
Sol said, "Did they give you \$500?"
Abe said, "Is that all you people think about?"
Sister Mary and sister Emma were driving one night.
Suddenly a vampire landed on their hood.
Sister Mary sweved the car violently, but the vampire held on.
"Sister Emma," she said, "Throw some garlic at him!"
Sister Emma leaned out and pelted the vampire with garlic.
The garlic raised welts on his face, but he held on.
"Sister Emma, "she said, "Throw some holy water on him!"
Sister Emma splashed holy water on the vampire.
His face was burning and steaming, but he still held on.
"Sister Emma," she said, "Show him your cross!"
Sister Emma shook her fist and said, "Get off the #@$! car!"