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Pun Thread

topsquark

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MHB Math Helper
Aug 30, 2012
1,135
Hmm, I thought there were many particles (hundreds of them actually) that aren't atoms. (Nerd)
Eh, not too many. Only about (roughly) \(\displaystyle (1/2) {12 \choose 3}\) baryons and \(\displaystyle (1/2) {12 \choose 2}\) mesons....so around 143 particles without considering higher spin states and exotic particles such as glueballs.

-Dan
 

Klaas van Aarsen

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Staff member
Mar 5, 2012
8,796
Eh, not too many. Only about (roughly) \(\displaystyle (1/2) {12 \choose 3}\) baryons and \(\displaystyle (1/2) {12 \choose 2}\) mesons....so around 143 particles without considering higher spin states and exotic particles such as glueballs.

-Dan
Plus 6 leptons like the electron and the neutrino makes around 149.
 

Deveno

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Feb 15, 2012
1,967
Q: Why was Heidi Klum banned from the last Theoretical Physics Conference?

A: She still believed in the Standard Model.
 

topsquark

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Aug 30, 2012
1,135
Plus 6 leptons like the electron and the neutrino makes around 149.
Well, there's also photons, two W's, a Z, (from electro-weak theory), gluons, plus some 24 (?) or so X and Y particles for GUT. No idea how many interaction bosons are added by TOEs. In addition, most higher spin states are so much higher in energy they are commonly interpreted as distinct particles. For example, a proton is made up of uud and the \(\displaystyle \Delta ^+\) is also uud. The difference is that the proton is spin 1/2 and the \(\displaystyle \Delta\) is spin 3/2. Technically all of these higher spin particles need to be added to the list.

Okay, too serious.

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer team up, they'd be alloys.

-Dan
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
I've got my doctorate in palindromes. So now I am addressed as Dr. Awkward.

On the shelf there are ten math books, five geography books, and the rest is history.

Q: Why doesn't the Guinness Book of Records consider people whose noses are longer than 11 inches for the longest nose record?
A: They say it would be a foot.
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
mole_problems_thermos_bottle_12_oz.jpg
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
My girlfriend is like $\sqrt{-100}$.

She is a perfect 10, but also imaginary. :(
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
A double-language pun.

There were two cats: English by the name One-two-three and French by the name Un-deux-trois. They decided to swim across the English Channel. Who came the first? It was One-two-three because Un-deux-trois cat sank.

"Un-deux-trois cat sank" sounds like "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq", i.e., "One, two, three, four, five" in French.
 

topsquark

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Aug 30, 2012
1,135
(groans in great pain)

-Dan
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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Jan 30, 2012
2,493
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart. It was like love meant nothing to her.

I'm making a graph of my past relationships. It has an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis.

Puns: that's a rare medium well done.
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
The irregular fraction hotline works 24/7.

So a physicist walks into h-bar...
and tells the bartender, "I'll have two pies."

If there is a scientific journal devoted to developments in electricity and magnetism, it should be called Current Events.
 

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409

Mugger: Give me your money or you're Algebra.

Victim: You mean History.

Mugger: Don't change the subject!

 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
If someone asks you to spell "part" backwards, don't. It's a trap.

19 and 20 had a fight.
21.

Q: What's the difference between 2 * 10 and 2 * 11?
A: There is no difference. One is twenty, the other is twenty-two.
 

Deveno

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Feb 15, 2012
1,967
There were 30 cows, and 28 chickens. 10 didn't.
 

Peter

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Jun 22, 2012
2,918
At the end of a particularly boring lecture, a Professor's students locked the door to the lecture theatre and said, when you make a pun we will let you out ...

The Professor said "o-pun the door"

... and the students let him out ...

Peter
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
Q: What do British nuclear engineers eat?
A: Fission chips.

Q: What do you call singing in the shower when shampoo gets in your mouth?
A: A soap opera.

Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A: One is heavy, the other one is a little lighter.
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
I visited a yard sale and saw a stereo for only \$1 because its volume was stuck to full.

I thought, "I can't turn that down!"

But it turns out the fuse was also blown, so I realized I'd have to refuse.

No big loss though, as it also didn't have a power cord. I really wasn't looking to record anything anyway.
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
I hate negative numbers. When counting, I stop at nothing to avoid them.
Nothing = 0.


Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.

Catamorphism is the property of a cat to assume the shape of the vessel it is in.

 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
Q: How do you make 7 even?
A: You take away the "s".

Teacher: What's $\sin(Q)/\cos(Q)$?
Student: $\tan(Q)$.
Teacher: You're welcome.

Genie: What is your first wish?
Dave: I wish to be rich.
Genie: Granted, what is your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money.
 

topsquark

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MHB Math Helper
Aug 30, 2012
1,135
Q: How do you make 7 even?
A: You take away the "s".

Teacher: What's $\sin(Q)/\cos(Q)$?
Student: $\tan(Q)$.
Teacher: You're welcome.

Genie: What is your first wish?
Dave: I wish to be rich.
Genie: Granted, what is your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money.
I'll fess up. Could someone please explain the Genie pun?

-Dan
 

Evgeny.Makarov

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MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,493
The genie granted Dave's first wish by making him Rich.
Look at the names carefully.
 

topsquark

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Aug 30, 2012
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Klaas van Aarsen

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Mar 5, 2012
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I'm still trying to figure out what 'Rich' will want next, once he's got lots of lottery tickets for money.
 

Joppy

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Mar 17, 2016
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mathlearn

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Jul 24, 2016
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