This product attracts every other piece of matter
in the Universe, including products of other
manufacturers, with a force proporitional to the
product of the masses and inversely proportional
to the square of the distance between them.
Handle with Extreme Care
This product contains minute electrically charged
particles moving at velocities in excess of five
hundred million miles per hour.
There is an extremely small but nonzero chance
that through a process known as "tunneling", this
product may spontaneously disappear from its
present location and reappear at any random
place in the Universe, including your neighbor's
domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible
for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
This is a matter product.
In the unlikely event that this merchandise
should contact antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.
The most fundamental particles in this
product are held together by a "gluing"
force about which little is currently known
and whose adhesive power can therefore
not be permanently guaranteed.
Despite any other listing of product contents
found hereon, the consumer is advised that,
in actuality, this product consists of about
99.999% empty space.
Component Equivalency Notice
The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.)
comprising this product are exactly the same in
every measure respect as those used in the
products of other manufacturers, and no claim
to the contrary may legitimately be expressed
Important Notice to Purchasers
The entire physical universe, including this
product may one day collapse back into
an infinitesimally small space. .Should
another Universe subsequently re-emerge,
the existence of this product in that Universe
cannot be guaranteed.