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My Favorite Engineer, Physicist, Mathematician Joke

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Ackbach

Indicium Physicus
Staff member
Jan 26, 2012
4,197
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball. The mathematician find the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume. The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of water, and measures the volume of the displaced water. The engineer looks up the value in his Book of Little Red Rubber Ball Volumes.
 

Krizalid

Active member
Feb 9, 2012
118
Haha this is funny, here in my country people tell a lot of these jokes.

1) Why the math book kill itself? - Because had too many problems.

2) A collection of functions is dancing and the exponential one is alone. Some function stands right to it and says: Why don't you integrate? - Doesn't matter, it's the same.
 

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409

Why was the identity .$\sin2r \:=\:2\sin r$ .refused a loan?

. . He needed a $\cos r.$
 

Jameson

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 26, 2012
4,052
Some corny ones here, but I just love Sheldon so much I had to post this. Hope the embedding works on this one...

 
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Alexmahone

Active member
Jan 26, 2012
268

Random Variable

Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Jan 31, 2012
253
I don't get it.
cosigner

---------- Post added at 04:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:59 PM ----------

It's not letting me make back-to-back posts.



Methods of Mathematical Proof


Proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.

Proof by deferral:
"We'll prove this later in the course."

Proof by adverb:
"As is quite clear, the elementary aforementioned statement is obviously valid."

Proof by omission:
"The other 253 cases are analogous."

Proof by seduction:
"Convince yourself that this is true."

Proof by reduction to the wrong problem:
"To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem."

Proof by reference to inaccessible literature:
The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883.

Proof by vehement assertion:
It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the audience.

Proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
 
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soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409


What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic?

A psychotic thinks 2 +2 = 5.

A neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4,
but it worries him.




What is the difference between data and information?

Data
382436

Information
38-24-36




My two secrets for success:

1. Never tell anyone everything you know.
 

Random Variable

Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Jan 31, 2012
253
More Methods of Mathematical Proof


Proof by imagination:
"Well, we'll pretend its true."

Proof by lack of interest:
"Does anyone really want to see this?"

Proof by lack of sufficient time:
"Because of the time constraint, I'll leave the proof to you."

Proof by lost reference:
"I know I saw it somewhere."

Proof by definition:
"We'll define it to be true."

Proof by clever variable choice:
"Let A be the number such that this proof works."

Proof by illegibility:
(scribble, scribble) QED

Proof by intimidation:
"Don't be stupid! Of course it's true!"

Proof by accident:
"Hey, what have we here?!"

Proof by Profanity:
(example omitted)
 

dwsmith

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2012
1,673
One day an engineer and a physicist decide to go for a hot air balloon ride. After some time, they decide to come down and figure out where they are. They see a person running and call down, "Hey, where are we?" After a few moments, the running responds, "You are in a hot air balloon." The engineer yells down, "You must be a mathematician!". The runner in surprise ask how he knows? The engineer responds, "your answer took to long, was 100% correct, and absolutely useless."
 

CaptainBlack

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
890
One day an engineer and a physicist decide to go for a hot air balloon ride. After some time, they decide to come down and figure out where they are. They see a person running and call down, "Hey, where are we?" After a few moments, the running responds, "You are in a hot air balloon." The engineer yells down, "You must be a mathematician!". The runner in surprise ask how he knows? The engineer responds, "your answer took to long, was 100% correct, and absolutely useless."
How about "We provided you with the tools to answer that yourself 200 years ago!"

CB
 

dwsmith

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2012
1,673

CaptainBlack

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
890

HallsofIvy

Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Jan 29, 2012
1,151
A physicist, a chemist, and a MICROSOFT engineer are riding in a car when it suddenly quits running. The physicist suggests that they check the electrical system. The chemist suggest that they check the gasoline. The MICROSOFT engineer suggests that they close all of the windows then open them again.
 

CaptainBlack

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
890
A physicist, a chemist, and a MICROSOFT engineer are riding in a car when it suddenly quits running. The physicist suggests that they check the electrical system. The chemist suggest that they check the gasoline. The MICROSOFT engineer suggests that they close all of the windows then open them again.
But...but...but the engine control processor does not have a dispaly attached (Drunk)

CB
 

earboth

Active member
Jan 30, 2012
74
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
 

issacnewton

Member
Jan 30, 2012
61
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.
The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.

Alternate Ending

The mathematician awakes, sees the cooling embers of the fire from one of his neighbors, fans it back into a roaring inferno, observes that "this reduces to a previously solved problem", crawls into his warm bed, and goes back to sleep

:D
 

Deveno

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Feb 15, 2012
1,967
my favorite is this one:

a topologist, an engineer, and a physicist are all locked in a room with a can of food, and no can opener, and left there for a week. after the week is up, the doors are unlocked. in the engineer's room, the walls are pock-marked with the dents he put in it to bash open the can by throwing it against the wall. in the physicist's room, they find she has crafted a crude can-opener from pieces of her cot. in the topologist's room, they just find the can. the physicist grabs her can-opener, and opens the can....the topologist crawls out of the can, and sheepishly says: "oops, sign error."

alternate ending (mathematician instead of topologist):

they open the mathematician's room, to find him dead on the floor. scrawled in blood on the floor is:

theorem: if i don't open the can, i will die of starvation

proof: assume the opposite, and derive a contradiction.
 

Chris L T521

Well-known member
Staff member
Jan 26, 2012
995
Jan 31, 2012
54
$F(U)C(k)$

Fermat's $U$ number, $\Cos(k)$ in power series.
 

Deveno

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Feb 15, 2012
1,967
if f is the identity transformation from the vector space of real-valued functions defined on all of $\mathbb{R}$ to itself, and we agree to make the substitution:

x = nln(u),

then certainly we can all agree that:

$\int e^x = f(u^n)$