What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[firefly]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe What do you do if, after hours of searching through dusty ground paper insulation in a cramped and awkward crawl space, your jaw aching from holding the flashlight in your mouth, your vision thwarted by the salt lines of dried sweat that criss cross the lenses, you finally discover that the problem is due to the line having been neatly severed and routed into a small extraterrestrial spacecraft nestled in the insulation, and a peak through the window reveals a miniature space alien sitting at a computer logged on to PF who has been answering all your posts for months now under a wide variety of pseudonyms?

Awww, geez Zoob, I didn't want to resort to the phone line, I really thought with firefly you'd catch on (fire). Especially after I parked on your nose that one night (never do that again, thankfully you humanoids have such slow reflexes). sigh. so. You got me. I got you.

Now what do you do, if a tiny nocturnal space alien confesses it has been studying you via PF for months now, but also hints that, given its advantageous size in comparison to yours, it has in fact studied a variety of your aspects, habits yes, habits no, and sees you in a different light than the limited online glow?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by firefly Now what do you do, if a tiny nocturnal space alien confesses it has been studying you via PF for months now, but also hints that, given its advantageous size in comparison to yours, it has in fact studied a variety of your aspects, habits yes, habits no, and sees you in a different light than the limited online glow?

Before I answer I would like for you to complete a little questionaire. I am going to list three films and would like for you to select from a choice of two actors, which you believe played the protagonist, and which, the villain.

Play Misty For Me

1.) Sondra Lock (protagonist or villain?)
2.)Clint Eastwood (same quetion)

Fatal Attraction

1.) Michael Douglas?
2.) Glenn Close?

Misery

1.) Kathy Bates?
2.) James Caan?

I look forward to seeing the PM in which you give you answers to these interesting quetions.What do you do if you can't decide if your cyber-stalker (and I reccomend everyone get themselves a cyber-stalker) is a commonplace theriomorph, or is, in fact, an influential fairy?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you can't decide if your cyber-stalker (and I reccomend everyone get themselves a cyber-stalker) is a commonplace theriomorph, or is, in fact, an influential fairy?

Consult with the former stalker of the Great Canadian Think Tanker (who had "tanked out" for several years, 'burnt meat' we'd all heard) vessel and request, in your nicest and kindest mannerisms, that that person make the request of the appropriate party, as to ascertain the appropriate responce, needed, to respond to the appropriate question, asked!

What do you do if you cannot keep up with the "What do you do if" questions?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by a bewildered and rightly so, Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you cannot keep up with the "What do you do if" questions?

The Earth's magnetic field has not been behaving itself lately. There is a demonstrated EM/neurological interaction which probably accounts for much of the worldwide inability to keep up with this thread. You are not alone. I, personally, have not understood more than a word here and there of what anyone's posted, myself included, since I started posting. What do you do if you don't even understand your own posts in this thread?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you don't even understand your own posts in this thread?

Take recognition of just how Truly Brilliant you have actually been...

What do you do if, while attempting to observe Your own brilliance, the light of it blinds you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, while attempting to observe Your own brilliance, the light of it blinds you?

This would be the double-heartbreak of Unintentional Auto-Hyperluminescence. A mere cutback in caffein, curtailment of any form of self congratulations, and a good night's sleep generally reveals it to have been an illusion to begin with and sight is restored.What do you do if you're reconfiguring a broken pair of binoculars into a telescope, point it at the monitor, and notice that someone wrote "your" when they meant to write "you're"?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're reconfiguring a broken pair of binoculars into a telescope, point it at the monitor, and notice that someone wrote "your" when they meant to write "you're"?

Clearly hanging the ******* would simply be too nice, some sort of long low torturous death where your you're in the driven seating that allows you re to exprssss yuor're selfintersted vendictivnessy in a construtivistic mannerisms, swlllowly killing there wvery fibroursityness istthetheolhy manenrsisnsme caapabelyt or f foof accompeujfinbtuheonlnthey stask!

What do you do if your life is working perfectly?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by newly christened One Man Thunk Tank, Mr. Robin Parsons (Break out the Champaigne!) What do you do if your life is working perfectly?

Goodness! Ask someone who knows!What do you do if you're caught between a will and a way, and a Willy Wonka?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're caught between a will and a way, and a Willy Wonka?

Will willies Wonka waaaaay west, while waiting/watching while wonderful willie wafts CHAMPAGNE!

What do you do if, instead of Champagne, (the Famous French Region reknown for making "sparkling" wines) someone offers you "Champaigne"??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, instead of Champagne, (the Famous French Region reknown for making "sparkling" wines) someone offers you "Champaigne"??

Clearly hanging the ******* would simply be too nice, some sort of long low torturous death where your you're in the driven seating that allows you re to exprssss yuor're selfintersted vendictivnessy in a construtivistic mannerisms, swlllowly killing there wvery fibroursityness istthetheolhy manenrsisnsme caapabelyt or f foof accompeujfinbtuheonlnthey stask!What do you do if you have a warped sense of humor but can't seem to get out of warp 2 when you really wish you were cruising at warp 5?

 

[amp]

Well,

What do you do if you have a warped sense of humor but can't seem to get out of warp 2 when you really wish you were cruising at warp 5?

You hire Robin Williams, 7of9, and R2D2 to reconfigure your funny bone.

What do you do if...you get stuck into the out of and realize now is everywhere at the same time thus making the moment which just passed?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by amp
What do you do if...you get stuck into the out of and realize now is everywhere at the same time thus making the moment which just passed?

WOW! how did you know that was what happened to me, everywhere in the out, realized that it wasn't now, (as it had passed into then) by way of here, gone there, didn't do that thought...but I had thought about it!

What do you do if you think/thought/thunk about it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originalsly porsted bsy Msr. Robsin Parsosns What do you do if you think/thought/thunk about it?

This brings to mind a question once posed by a Polish aviator of my aquaintence, who looked me square in the eye one day, exhaling enough ethanol fumes to give me a second-hand illegal blood alcohol level, and said: "Thhhhiiiiinnnnnnnnkk aaaaahhh thhhhhuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkk vry thiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg?

What do you do if you are Greg and have to spend all your days and nights writing E-Mail notifications to people telling them that someone has responded to a thread they've subscribed to?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted/annotated/appended/suspended/incurred/occured/inserted/diverted by ZoobyShoee
What do you do if you are Greg and have to spend all your days and nights writing E-Mail notifications to people telling them that someone has responded to a thread they've subscribed to?

Subscribe to the PF Forums mailing system, and figure out how to 'weave up' an auto bot-tic to do all of your creative writting for you...that, and learn to type reeeeeeeel fast!

What do you do if you are attacked by your net bot, in your bed, while just awaking to go urinate?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are attacked by your net bot, in your bed, while just awaking to go urinate?

What a predicament! I guess I'd try saying:" Klatuu, barata nikto."

What do you do if there isn't any to begin with?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if there isn't any to begin with?

"Start with nothing", heck everyone does that in life at the beginning anyways, so it will be like revisiting your infancy...

What do you do if, you don't?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, you don't?

At least pay attention.What do you do if, looking over the list of interrogatives: who, what, when, where, why, and how, you realize the problem with the world is that there's supposed to be another one, whizm, that was forgotten about ages ago?

 

[Nibles]

I would understand why it was forgotten.

What would you do if you had no other choice but to do it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by
NiblesWhat would you do if you had no other choice but to do it?

Objection, your honor! Asked and answered! The prosecution is BADGERING the witness!What do you do if a strange person with a penetrating stare approaches you on the street and asks: "Whizm is love?"

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a strange person with a penetrating stare approaches you on the street and asks: "Whizm is love?"

Kiss them (with profound pressure) on whatever body part is showing the greatest need of kissing kindness (the true medicinal value of a "Kiss it better") them tell them that you really aren't interested cause that kind of 'lovin' just ain't yo bag man!

What do you do if, when you need it "kissed better", but cannot find a volounteer to kiss you, there?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you need it "kissed better", but cannot find a volounteer to kiss you, there?

Then you must turn to one of the many prostitutes who "make it better" in exchange for money, otherwise known as the Medical Profession.
What do you do if you discover that the Piano quintette, (or quartette, no one can tell) of Mozart, when played sideways, produces the complete songs of the Beatles transposed into their respective relative major and minor keys?

 

[megashawn]

Quit listening to music for its obvious influence of being from the devil.


What do you do if you haven't logged on to physicsforums in quite sometime to only find out this thread is still going strong, and might possibly rival the biggest threads in the world?

 

[firefly]

Originally posted by megashawn What do you do if you haven't logged on to physicsforums in quite sometime to only find out this thread is still going strong, and might possibly rival the biggest threads in the world?

Weave it into a tapestry.

What do you do if your tapestry begins to unravel, revealing colors different and darker from those of the originating thread?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by firefly What do you do if your tapestry begins to unravel, revealing colors different and darker from those of the originating thread?

Clearly a job for Carol King.

What do you do if six people who haven't bathed in three days are holding you at gunpoint in front of a broken water heater and you don't know how a water heater works, and Mr. Robin Parsons is on vacation at a Library on the other side of the city, incommunicado?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if six people who haven't bathed in three days are holding you at gunpoint in front of a broken water heater and you don't know how a water heater works, and Mr. Robin Parsons is on vacation at a Library on the other side of the city, incommunicado?

Cry Crocodile tears, catch them in a plate, heat that with your trusty Mc Gyver portable-blowtorch®, quickly (holding onto the plate) fling the plate in a circle thereby scattering the broiled juice into the eyes of your aggressors, and run like you just injuried several very angry, and aggressive, people. who want for nothing but revenge upon you!

What do you do if Megashawn returns, notices this thread is still active, but, decides to limit his imagination, as to not be contributing to this endevour to the fullest of his humorifico capacitances?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if Megashawn returns, notices this thread is still active, but, decides to limit his imagination, as to not be contributing to this endevour to the fullest of his humorifico capacitances?

Clearly something with greater insulating value should be interposed between the plates in his head to increase the cpacitances(?) humorificus(?), or, there may be a short somewhere caused by splashed bong water.


What do you do if all there was was one little, indeterminate blink?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by a 'spittle'ing' zoobyshoe

What do you do if all there was was one little, indeterminate blink?

Quickly/Speedally get out my stenganographic equipment and examine the details that were obviously missed by them that ass'umed that it was insignificant, then re-package the entire package as to ensure that the package was packaged in a packaging manner that belied it's being packaged.

What do you do if you were supposed to "Ask a Stupid Quetion..." and you didn't!??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you were supposed to "Ask a Stupid Quetion..." and you didn't!??

Join one of the many support groups for the querilously impaired, or interrogationally challenged.What do you do if you write to one of these groups asking if they have any literature concerning their services and you receive an answer which reads, simply: "Stupid Quetion."?

 

[megashawn]

!Off topic(aren't they all?)

or, there may be a short somewhere caused by splashed bong water.

LOL, how'd you guess?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by megashawn
LOL, how'd you guess?

Well, clearly, and thouroughly thought through, thus, wast arrived at by the methodollogies of the methodistically inclined, apparent as it was, that the thought was was what presuppossed the preccesses's preceeding the guesses's that granted the leveaged approachmentaire that supplanted the need of infloormational knowledges as to make's that assertational event astride the placemented! simple as that!

Why is it that when you guess correctly, the quetioner LOL's? (Or ROTFLM{expletive deleted}O)??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it that when you guess correctly, the quetioner LOL's?

LOL-ing (i.e. "Lying On Lizards!" or "Leaping Over Lepidoptera!" or "Laying Out Loaves!") is frequently resorted to by all bong-water-spilling types whether you guess correctly or not. If you speak it, they will LOL.

Recently, in a do-it-yourself book entitled How to Irrepairably Damage Any Appliance In Your Home By Trying To Fix It Yourself I learned that the common household water heater holds enough water to flood a one car garage to a depth of .625 inches. What do you do if this isn't enough to sufficiently ruin the cardboard boxes your pushy aunt Gladys forced you to store for her while she's in the process of moving?

 

[firefly]

Go to the humane society, pick up a puppy, and call him God. Buy or borrow the largest wet vac you can. Take Aunties boxes outside of the garage. Using the Wet Vac, vacuum the water from the garage. When full, empty the Wet Vac onto Auntie's boxes, trying to ensure even absorption of the dingy liquid. Repeat vacuuming/emptying as necessary until garage is dry. Have the new pup relieve himself just a few times over the boxes, covering them promptly in plastic so as not to offend the Postal workers (keep reading...) Have Auntie's waterlogged, scented-but-sealed, and otherwise untouched, un-opened boxes re-boxed "as is" and shipped COD back to Gladys' old address (P.O. should forward), with a brief letter explaining that due to an "Act of God", you are no longer able to provide free holding facilities for her "stuff".

What do you do if a year later you receive a letter promising delivery of a large inheritance with "divine" implications from a mysterious Aunt Sadys of whom you'd never heard before?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a year later you receive a letter promising delivery of a large inheritance with "divine" implications from a mysterious Aunt Sadys of whom you'd never heard before?

Attend the delivery with the knowledge that it is probably Aunt Sadies Imortalized by Bronzing Cat, that is instilled in a shine that was vaunted, at cost of production, near a 'cool' million (yet has an inherant value, today, of less then twenty Bucks) knowing that the elderly *Ahem* was really a Good hearted old *&%^$> between those ses('hic)sions that you overheard, and that this is the 'treasure' that is spoken of in the Phrase "One mans Garbage..." such that it's valuation esteeemed is the juxtaposition of the reality hence pricelessly worthless to you!

What do you do if you find out that the price is "Pricelessly Worthless?"

 

[jimmy p]

Dont tell anyone and sell it on ebay

What do you do if you were pinnochio and your wish to be human was granted whilst on holiday in Africa whilst standing in a pride of lions?

EDIT: renowned man-eating lions

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you were pinnochio and your wish to be human was granted whilst on holiday in Africa whilst standing in a pride of lions?
EDIT: renowned man-eating lions

Explain to them that I am not a 'man' but still just a 'little boy', after all they are Man eating lions...not 'boy' eating, that, or, as I was dressed in "wooden clothing" take of my underwear and beat myself a pathway to saftey throught the Lions Pride!

What to you do if you remove your wooden underwear only to find out that the skidmarks have actually eaten their way through the heartwood of Oaken Pine?