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Lawyer jokes

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409


Item on bill from lawyer:

Crossed street to talk to you; it wasn't you: .$30.00



Fred was riding with his lawyer friend Jack.
"Jack, you're a good guy, but you lawyers think of nothing but money."
"That's not true," said Jack. "I'm only seeking justice for my clients."
Just then a truck roared by and ripped off Jack's driver-door.
"My Porsche! .My Porsche!" cried Jack.
"See?" said Fred. "You just proved my point, Jack.
. . You didn't even notice that the truck tore off your left arm."
Jack stared in horror. ."My Rolex! .My Rolex!"
 

Deveno

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Feb 15, 2012
1,967
Q: what's 100 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?

A: a good beginning.
 

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409

What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California get the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.

Who invented copper wire?
Two lawyers fighting over a penny.

What the difference between a disaster and a tragedy?
If a busload of lawyers go over a cliff, that's a disaster.
If there any empty seats, that's a tragedy.

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving train?
Never enough.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road
. . and a dead lawyer in the road?
Skid marks by the skunk.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a fish.
 

MarkFL

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 24, 2012
13,775
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller.

Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.