Discovering the Purpose of Life: A Teenager's Journey

[BlackJack]

Well I have lived now for 19 years and never really bothered about life. I was just living with it and had always a goal to reach. But now in my year 13 i started asking myself: why ?

It's obviously a bad question to ask, cos there are too many answers. But i just wanted to know from you, how do you keep on going ? At the moment I just don't wonna go on, life sux. Intresstingly this does affects my grades. Since a while I have been unconcentrated and unintressted (I even forgot my keys! Never happened before ). And now panic starts and i don't know what to do ? Also I don't have a goal to reach... know a way to find one ? Please help me. thanks :uhh:



Small Question : What's the point of parties ? People get drunk and do stupid stuff they would never have done if they wouldn't have been drunk. Why ?

 

[loseyourname]

I don't understand. You've lived for 19 years, but you're only in year 13?

By the way, man, this isn't a psychological help forum. If you're honestly having these difficulties, the best advice I can give you is to seek out professional help. I'm sure the posters here will have ideas, but I doubt that many of them are licensed therapists or counselors.

 

[THANOS]

That's the exact same question that has boggled my mind when i was in my teens. I've even read about 10 different self-help books to help me find more meaning. They have helped me learn about myself but meaning i had to seek on my own and so must you. No one can tell someone what meaning is because for every person the meaning is different.
I have had no goals until early this year and i am 22 years old. The thing about goals is sometimes you have to look beyond the careers and goals set for most people through education and seek something you have high interest for or try new things until you find something you have high interest for.

As for parties. I believe that alcohol let's loose who you are. So if your a liar you will lie. If you feel like fighting people a lot you will probably start a fight.

 

[cragwolf]

There is no purpose to life other than the one you invent for yourself. So stop procrastinating, and start inventing.

 

[hitssquad]

13 of 19

Well I have lived now for 19 years and never really bothered about life. I was just living with it and had always a goal to reach. But now in my year 13 i started asking myself: why ?

You've lived for 19 years, but you're only in year 13?

He has been asking himself "Why?" since he was in the 13th of his 19 years.

 

[cassiopeiae]

It's normal. I think everyone goes through the same thing at that point in their life. I think it is a bi-product of realizing it is time to join the real world...

My advice, pick something that interests you, whether it's reading or mountain biking, and indulge in it for a while. Whatever activity you choose will allow you to become less focused on your dilema, which will give you a clearer view of how you feel, allowing you to make the right decisions.

Hang in there! It'll pass!

 

[Dissident Dan]

It's odd. I don't understand this search for a purpose or "meaning" or whatever. I hear that it's supposed to be some universal part of human beings, but the idea and related desire confound me. I have never cared about such a thing. I have always just lived my life according to what I though I should do, not looking for anyone else's design for me. Really, living according to what someone else would want you to do seems degrading to the experience of being alive. How could fulfilling that be any more rewarding than fulfilling a purpose that you assigned yourself?

 

[olde drunk]

believe me, you DO know your purpose. the problem is that we get distracted doing and acting in accordance with other's beliefs. this cross road is for you to look inward.

relax, try meditation and listen to yourself. no one can do this for you OR tell you what your purpose or meaning in life. it is a unique, individual experience.

do what you want to do. not what your parents, peers or church tell you to do. have confidence that even if you get yourself into a mess; the mess was intended to show you, your way.

life is a game, a game to be played respectfully. playing and having fun will lead you. listen to yourself!

love&peace,
olde drunk

 

[Dissident Dan]

I do not believe in any intended purpose in my life (except to make my parents happy--that is why they made me). No purpose will be revealed, only invented.

 

[olde drunk]

I do not believe in any intended purpose in my life (except to make my parents happy--that is why they made me). No purpose will be revealed, only invented.

please explain how you can make anyone happy?

if you have the power, make me angry or sad or joyous.

trust me, living to please anyone or thing will cause personal problems. i ask my children to please themselves and be happy. the process is their trip, mine (relative to parenthood) is to offer the best advice and guidance possible. they being happy will make me happy. i can not make them happy.

we all have an individual unique purpose, even those of us that refuse to accept the concept.

love&peace,
olde drunk

 

[BlackJack]

allright i missused this forum for my personal problems . about the year 13 thing... well in england its year 12 and year 13 :surprise:. Sorry to confuse you :shy: but is it good if you make a mess by finding your way ? Isn't there the problem of using your lazyness as you own way (eg. : "i don't clean my room cos it's my way ?").

about the booze: so it takes of the moral barriers created by society to release the beast ? Hm... intressting

 

[verty]

BlackJack, I asked myself exactly the same thing, also from about 13 years old. I only started to really understand things when I was between 22 and 23.

The most confusing thing for me was understanding why people behave the way they do. That took me years of thinking to finally understand. People seem to be motivated by malicious desires. The real question is what leads to people feeling malicious in the first place. Why do people chase so dearly after frivolous passtimes that you can see are stupid? Why are they so determined to enjoy it? Why do they put on a facade of fancy clothes and cars and whatever to impress? Who are they trying to impress? Are they trying to impress?

What I can say to you is that you don't need to conform to what other people think. You don't need to get upset if somebody does something bad to you. Rather than get upset, try to review the evidence and understand why. Look out for it. Life seems like a frothing cesspit at times, but it isn't really. Things happen for a reason. Try to see the reasons.

How you react to people and how you behave is completely up to you. That is very important to know. Just because everybody else is diong it does not mean that it is good for you to do it. You are your own boss, and you are way capable. The reason you are wondering at the purpose so much is because you see the bogus happenings around you and know you can do better. That is a very good thing indeed.

I used to feel sad that I didn't enjoy simple pleasures as other people do. I used to think that intelligence and introspection was a curse. It isn't. To gain understanding you need to be introspective.

Whenever you get a feeling, good or bad, think to yourself why it is that you feel that way. What is it about the situation that was good? Doing this, you may start to find things that you really do like, and not just because other people like it. For example, most guys chase afer girls and make fools of themselves. They think it proves their manhood. It doesn't. You don't have to prove anything to these people.

Don't always try to be a good person. Realise that one of the major causes of us feeling down is when we try to do a good thing and we get ignored. We see a situation, and try to do what is right, what it seems the people involved want us to do, but then you get ignored, or kicked aside. What did they really want?

This probably annoys you more than helps you, but as far as I can see it is a good road to follow.

 

[Chen]

As someone else mentioned, find something you like (a hobby) and occupy yourself with it. If it's driving, go to racing tracks and let yourself get loose for an hour. If it's modeling airplanes, buy some kits and build your own models. And if you don't know what it is, just start experiencing with all sorts of stuff and see what interests you the most.

But there's a huge difference between not finding a meaning to one's life and feeling like life sucks and you don't want to carry on living. If the latter is the case I really suggest you seek professional help, for your own good obviously. These days a lot of people go to psychologists (and don't even try to hide it!) so it's no shame.

 

[Evo]

At the moment I just don't wonna go on, life sux. Intresstingly this does affects my grades. Since a while I have been unconcentrated and unintressted (I even forgot my keys! Never happened before ). And now panic starts and i don't know what to do ? Also I don't have a goal to reach... know a way to find one ? Please help me. thanks :uhh:

At your age it's normal to question things and become disillusioned. However, if you suddenly find your normal ability to concentrate lagging, you lose interest, get panicked, etc... it may be a physical problem with the chemical balance that affects the brain and you may need medication to regain balance. This kind of problem often surfaces in your age group and is extremely common. It won't hurt to discuss this with your doctor.

All the psychological counseling in the world will not help if you have a chemical imbalance.

 

[Dissident Dan]

please explain how you can make anyone happy?

if you have the power, make me angry or sad or joyous.

trust me, living to please anyone or thing will cause personal problems. i ask my children to please themselves and be happy.

I didn't say that I dedicate my life to pleasing my parents. What I was referring to was the fact that my parents (as with anyone's parents) created offspring (me) because they thought it would make them happy. As such, somebody had a purpose for my creation. That says nothing of what I have chosen to do, only what my parents intended.

All assigned purposes are arbitrary. There's not point in looking. I have no desire to discover any purpose sitting out there waiting for Daniel. I choose to do what I deem desirable or appropriate, without any regard for some magical purpose.

 

[BlackJack]

@ vertigo :

This probably annoys you more than helps you, but as far as I can see it is a good road to follow.

no no ! This doesn't annoys me at all. It does sound very clear to me. The example of the playboys is quite good. Why do they chase after girls ? I mean if you are a boy do you wonna be chased all day by some weird girls... :uhh: Probably most people also see that they behave like fools and get drunk, so they still can act their way, but with a good excuse (eg. " i really hit you ?? nahh. must have been drunk...")

thx to vertigo and u other guys ^^

wish you all a nice life, enjoy it


sorry that i missused the forum

 

[killerinstinct]

You can cry all night about this topic. What is the real purpose of life? TO LIVE for 80 years and then DIE?

 

[cassiopeiae]

Really, it's kind of pointless to think that way. It just makes the 80years bland and unproductive. No one knows the real point to life, there probably isn't one...we were probably just some chance lifeform that developed out of the exact right circumstances and conditions. But really...what is the point of viewing life that way? One might as well just be dead.

 

[Chen]

The purpose of life is to be happy, whatever that means for you. If partying all day makes you happy, then so be it. If curing cancer makes you happy, even better. But if you're not happy in your life, why live?

 

[remcook]

Maybe our true purpose is to deny our purposelessness

 

[Shinmyoken]

I believe many people (including myself) spend years pondering the purpose of life. I believe there is no purpose otherthan what you choose. If you go around looking for it, you may never find it. You have to create it. I personally am writing a fictional novel that allows me to imprint my personal views of mankind and the world into the different characters. Many of these views contradict each other causing the characters to battle through intense conflict. I am writing it as I go but I have a general idea about the entire storyline. I am writing this in hopes that when I complete it, I will have a clear understand about my ultimate view of mankind and it will establish my purpose in life.

Life has meaning only if we live for the meaning.

 

[olde drunk]

not everyone needs to have or find a meaning to life.

i have seen many happy productive people that simply accept life on life's terms and go about their business. i have also seen documentaries of plain folk in remote locations, they too, seem to go about living without searching.

unfortunately, once the question enters the mind it says with you. believing in a personal, individualized answer works best for me, since i too, asked the question.

love&peace,
olde drunk

 

[verty]

"No one knows the real point to life, there probably isn't one...we were probably just some chance lifeform that developed out of the exact right circumstances and conditions. But really...what is the point of viewing life that way? One might as well just be dead."

That is not the end of the story. Those who are tired of questioning reach this point and then decide that they have reached an impass. It is scary to think that life might be meaningless. Because it is scary, people fear to think that.

The only way to combat fear is through knowledge. What I suggested before is very true, in that it is very revealing to see what things people chase after in the search for happiness. Most never find it. The reason is that they are desperate to not face the possibility that it might not mean anything.

Why must it mean something? Ask yourself why it is that we would like there to be some great meaning. You say now that we might as well be dead. That doesn't mean we should suddenly kill ourselves. It just means that we must re-evaluate what is important.

Do you think an ant's life is important? Probably not. Is any animal's life important? Is the life of the chicken that feeds us important? Is the life of the donkey that works for us important?

Their lives are indeed important. They serve our need. Our needs supercede theirs, because we are the stronger. Is it right to eat animals? What about plants? Is it our right to inhabit the earth?

Some choose the easy way out of this dilemma. From their distress at having to answer the question of what we have a right to they then say that we have God given rights. God, the creator, made the world and gave it to us. He provided the plants and animals to sustain us. We are divinely more special than them, which gives us the right to inhabit the Earth and to eat animals and plants and such.

This is a device to assuage the conscience of those people who would rather not accept that we eat animals and plants because we need to, because we are stronger and more capable than them, and view our own needs as more important.

The search for meaning is funded by our desire not to believe this, that we survived because we learned to become the masters of our world through our own ingenuity. Man is great indeed. We don't need some provider of value to rid us of this guilt we feel. We needn't feel guilty.

So even if you do feel the need for there to be some purpose to life, and you do search for it, be honest enough to think about the alternative, that maybe we are here 'just because'.

Some think that there is no reason to be moral if there is no meaning. This too stems from this guilty feeling that we all have. If there is no meaning to it all, that doesn't make us evil by nature. There is all the reason in the world to be moral. This is enough for now. Pursue understanding and don't let fear stop you in your tracks.

 

[cragwolf]

But if you're not happy in your life, why live?

1. The future possibility of happiness.
2. Brief moments of satisfaction.
3. Evolutionary instinct.
4. Family would suffer grief if you didn't.
5. You're a masochist.

For me it's mostly 2 and a bit of 3 and 4.

 

[TENYEARS]

Blackjack, I suggest the following, clear your mind by clearing your life. Clean up your room for starters, it is where you sleep and live, it helps the state of mind. Then get some exercise and don't think while doing it, emerse yourself in the experience of it. If you ride a bike ride, swim walk run whatever you do but do it. Look up at the sky at night and think no thoughts. Do this absorbed in what you see for at least 15 minutes before you go to bed. Be mindful of what you do, and how you react to others. Do not react, but witness as if an outsider. In that detached sense you will understand and then have room for change. In clearing your life what will come to you is a greater sense of the truth, and if you are true to your cause, the truth itself. Don't drink, drink water. Take a pad and list the things you want to change, mark them down, date each page and your accomplishments toward you goal. This resdistribution of energy will balance your life and place it in perspective which answers may be found. What I know is irrelevant, what you know is the only thing that counts.

 

[cassiopeiae]

"No one knows the real point to life, there probably isn't one...we were probably just some chance lifeform that developed out of the exact right circumstances and conditions. But really...what is the point of viewing life that way? One might as well just be dead."

That is not the end of the story. Those who are tired of questioning reach this point and then decide that they have reached an impass. It is scary to think that life might be meaningless. Because it is scary, people fear to think that.

I agree, it is feared, mostly because people forget that though there may not be a point to life, it does still have meaning, if only to oneself.

Why must it mean something? Ask yourself why it is that we would like there to be some great meaning. You say now that we might as well be dead. That doesn't mean we should suddenly kill ourselves. It just means that we must re-evaluate what is important.

What I meant was that if one chooses to dwell on the possibility that there is no point to life...to the extent of not doing anything, or reverting back to a primitive way of thinking, it is like killing themselves...there is no point even to themselves, no drive to do anything except cuss the pointless-ness of life.

As for the rest of your words...I agree!

 

[cassiopeiae]

Blackjack, I suggest the following, clear your mind by clearing your life. Clean up your room for starters, it is where you sleep and live, it helps the state of mind. Then get some exercise and don't think while doing it, emerse yourself in the experience of it. If you ride a bike ride, swim walk run whatever you do but do it. Look up at the sky at night and think no thoughts. Do this absorbed in what you see for at least 15 minutes before you go to bed. Be mindful of what you do, and how you react to others. Do not react, but witness as if an outsider. In that detached sense you will understand and then have room for change. In clearing your life what will come to you is a greater sense of the truth, and if you are true to your cause, the truth itself. Don't drink, drink water. Take a pad and list the things you want to change, mark them down, date each page and your accomplishments toward you goal. This resdistribution of energy will balance your life and place it in perspective which answers may be found. What I know is irrelevant, what you know is the only thing that counts.

OOOh, some good Buddhist advice

 

[BlackJack]

Do not react, but witness as if an outsider.

know you start confusing me ^^. Could you please explains this a bit further ?

btw. what has this to do with buddhism ? :)

 

[cassiopeiae]

btw. what has this to do with buddhism ? :)

By distancing yourself, or detaching yourself from situations helps to clear the mind and view things as they are. Just as tenyears said "be mindful" meaning, pay attention to your thoughts, actions and feelings about certain things and situations, can also allow you to evaluate you position in the world. By doing these things it allows you to be objective in situations that cause others to act or react a certain way. It is a very Buddhist view, and a good one at that. (No I'm not saying take up Buddhism...only if you want, of course ) The advice that tenyears gave is really good...I would suggest trying it out...

 

[THANOS]

people can have Buddhist views without even hearing of the Buddhist. I know i have. After someone told me that my views are similar to the views of the Buddhist i had to understand Buddhism and i bought a few books of their philosphy and views of life.

 

[verty]

"By distancing yourself, or detaching yourself from situations helps to clear the mind and view things as they are."

Don't get blindsided by this mumbo-jumbo. I don't like phrases like 'clear your mind' and 'detaching yourself'. It just doesn't sound like something you would want to do. You want to live life, not be a monk.

Just think about things, ask questions, and observe. And finally, don't jump to conclusions.

 

[cassiopeiae]

What distancing yourself does do is allow you to see the situation for what it is. That's it. It clears your head so that you can do this without having pressures from yourself or your peers. This doesn't mean don't go to parties or don't hang out with your friends, it just means pay attention to how you are responding to these situations and how others respond in these situations...this way you can figure it all out for yourself without your feelings or your peers opinions getting in the way. Detaching yourself only means to think objectively about something in this case...not closing yourself off. And as someone else said...it has nothing to do with being a Buddhist, I only commented that it is similar thought and philosophy...

 

[BlackJack]

... got any links on that subject which are a bit further explained ?

I do agree with vertigo, it is a bit "monky" ^^

 

[TENYEARS]

It is american indian, african, christian, asian, or any ic or ism you would like to make it. It came to me in a vision one night, it saved my life that morning and maybe the lives of a few people I did not even know. I sometimes exagerate on the size of the fish, here I can do it no justice. That is all I will say.

If you do not turn, then you will suffer the repurcussions of your actions when you are not aware of them. Blackjack, do you want to be cool? Do you know what real cool is? It is the very aspect of what I speak. You want girls, you manifest yourself in this way they will come to you. You want self respect, you will have your own and with that you will have the respect of others. You want the meaning of life, you will live it.

 

[Stockman]

The real purpose of life is to create more life, but if that would be my only purpose I would running around looking for chicks all the time therefore we are creating interests in something like music or movies.