Not playing with a full deck.
Has a brain like a BB in a boxcar.
A quart low.
Poster child for birth control.
All foam, no beer.
Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
Attic's a little dusty.
Baler done run out of twine.
Wipers don't touch the windshield.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Half a bubble off plumb.
Does the work of three men:
Curly, Larry and Moe.
Knitting with one needle.
Mouth in gear, brain in neutral.
Racing with a pregnant women
he'd come in third.
So fat, his blood type is Ragu.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Too many birds on his antenna.
Couldn't tell which way the elevator is going
if he had two guesses.
Doesn't have a round in every chamber.
Belt doesn't go through all the loops.
Driveway doesn't reach the street.
Dumb as a sack of hammers.
Has it floored in neutral.
So dense, light bends around him.
Blender doesn't go past "mix".
Lint trap is full.
Sewing machine is out of thread.
Stand near him and hear the ocean.
Lights are on, but nobody's home.
Long on drywall, short on studs.
No grain in the silo.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Only one oar in the water.
Receiver's off the hook.
Has reached rock bottom
and has started to dig.
Wears a ponytail to cover the valve stem.
Depriving some village of its idiot.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
Elevator doesn't reach the top.
A face that is a threat to clocks everywhere.
Not wrapped too tight.
Only one chopstick in the Lo Mein.
Dipstick doesn't reach the oil.
Only opens his mouth to change feet.
Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
So fat, he puts on his belt with a boomerang.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot
with the instructions on the heel.
Any dumber, he'd have to be watered weekly.
Stares at frozen juice cans
because it says "concentrate".
Too tall for his blood supply.