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Dumb and Dumber

soroban

Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012
409

. . .. . . . . . . . . Dumb-and-Dumber Jokes


Two carpenters are putting up drywall on opposite sides of a room. .Bubba
hears an occasional "plink" and "plunk" behind him. . He turns to see what
Junior is doing and sees him tossing every other nail over his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Bubba asks.
"Some of these nails have the points on the wrong end," says Junior.
"You idiot!" says Bubba. ."Those are for this wall."


Bubba and Junior rent a boat and go fishing. .They have a good day.
They return the boat and Bubba said, "Hope we find that spot next time."
Junior said, "Don't worry; I put a big X on the side of the boat."
"That's stupid!" said Bubba. "Suppose we don't get the same boat?"


Bubba and Junior are standing by a flagpole, looking up at the top.
A woman walks by and asks, "What are you doing, fellows?"
Bubba says, "We're suppose to measure this flagpole but we don't
have a ladder long enough."
The woman takes a wrench from her purse and lays the flagpole
down, then measures it with her tape measure.
"Twelve feet, eight inches," she says and walks away.
"Isn't that just like a woman," says Bubba, shaking his head.
"We asked for the height and she gives us the length."


The farmer told Bubba and Junior to lead the mule into the barn.
When they got to the barn, they saw the mule's ears would hit
the top of the door. .They sat down to think up a plan.
"I know!" said Junior. "We'll dig a trench and have the mule walk in it."
"That won't work," said Bubba. "His ears are too long, not his legs."


And these are just Dumb.

A blond (who else?) calls the fire department and shouts,
"Help me!. My house is on fire!. Good bye!"
"Wait!" says the dispatcher. "How do we get to your house?"
There is pause, then she says, "Um, in a big red truck?"


A man calls 911 and says, "Help me! My wife is having a baby!"
The dispatcher asks, "How far apart are the contractions?"
The man says, "I don't know. Hang on, I'll find out."
The man returns and says, "It's hard to tell.
They seem to be coming from the same place."
 

Evgeny.Makarov

Well-known member
MHB Math Scholar
Jan 30, 2012
2,492
The farmer told Bubba and Junior to lead the mule into the barn. When they got to the barn, they saw the mule's ears would hit the top of the door. .They sat down to hink up a plan. "I know!" said Junior. "We'll dig a trench and have the mule walk in it." "That won't work," said Bubba. "His ears are too long, not his legs."
Two junkies are sitting outdoors and see a dachshund walking by. One says, "Look what short paws this doggy has!" The other replies, "Hmm, not really. They touch the ground, don't they?"

A man calls 911 and says, "Help me! My wife is having a baby!" The dispatcher asks, "How far apart are the contractions?" The man says, "I don't know. Hang on, I'll find out." The man returns and says, "It's hard to tell. They seem to be coming from the same place."
Same situation, the dispatcher asks, "Is this her first baby?" The man says, "No, it's her husband!"