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"Doctor, doctor" jokes


Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012

"Doctor, doctor!
.People always ignore me!"


"Doctor, doctor!
I have this compulsion to sing Delilah."

"You have Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is that a rare disease?"

"It's not unusual."


Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Jan 26, 2012
"Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this!"

"Then don't."


Staff member
Jan 26, 2012
Copied from a joke site:

Doctor, Doctor
I can't stop stealing things
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!

Doctor, Doctor
What can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains?
Pull yourself together man!

Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a bridge?
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm god?
How did that start?
In the beginning there was darkness......

Doctor, Doctor
Every bone in my body aches!
Just be glad you aren't a herring!

Doctor, Doctor
Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, Doctor
I think I've broken my neck?
Don't worry - keep your chin up!

Doctor Doctor
My daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do?
Use a pencil!

Doctor Doctor
What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
I find that very hard to believe!

Doctor, Doctor
I feel like a pack of cards?
I'll deal with you later!

Doctor, Doctor
You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, Doctor
I feel like a spoon?
Still still and don't stir!

Doctor, Doctor
Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!
I suggest you take the spoon out!

Doctor, Doctor
My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.
Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!

Doctor, Doctor
Please help me. I think I'm invisible
Next Please!

Doctor, Doctor
I've just swallowed my mouth organ
Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!

Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a cat?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!

Doctor, Doctor
I've got insomnia
Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!


Well-known member
MHB Math Helper
Aug 30, 2012
Doctor, doctor
Give me the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you.



Well-known member
Feb 2, 2012

"Doctor, Doctor! .I'm having deja vu!"
"You told me that this morning."

"Doctor, doctor! .I think I'm invisible!"
"Who said that?"

"Doctor, doctor! .I'm losing my memory!"
"How long has this been going on?"
"How long has what been going on?"

"Doctor, doctor! .I broke my leg in two places!"
"Well, stay out of those places."

"Doctor, give it to me straight. .How long do I have?"
"Ten ...."
"Ten what? .Years? .Months? . Weeks?"
"... nine ... eight ... "

Dentist: "You have a large mouth. .You have a large mouth."
Patient: "You don't have to repeat it."
Dentist" "I didn't."