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These signs are posted in actual taverns

. . . . (or so I have been told).

[tex]\begin{array}{c} \text{According to chemists,} \\ \text{alcohol IS a solution.} \end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{Free Beer} \\ \text{Topless Waitresses} \\ \text{and} \\ \text{False Advertising.}\end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{The average human walks 900 miles per year} \\ \text{and drinks 22 gallons of beer.} \\ \text{That's 41 miles per gallon . . . Not bad.}\end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{Tonight's forcast:} \\ \text{Alcohol }\\ \text{Low Standards} \\ \text{Poor Decisions} \end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{Don't forget to by Dad a Father's Day card.} \\ \text{Remember: You're the reason he drinks.} \end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{We have eleven hundred satisfied clients} \\ \text{and one creepy guy who isn't allowed back.}\\\text{(You know who you are.)}\end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{Something witty and thought-provoking} \\ \text{(That's what my boss told me} \\ \text{to write on the chalkboard.)} \end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{Husband Day Care Center} \\ \text{Need to relax?} \\ \text{Want to go shopping?} \\ \text{Leave your husband with us!} \\ \text{(Only pay for food and drink.)} \end{array}[/tex]

[tex]\begin{array}{c}\text{If you are drinking to forget,} \\ \text{please pay in advance.} \end{array}[/tex]