Proving an Adult Wrong: Teen Coping Strategies

[Maryjfl]

What arguments would you use to prove an adult wrong?
Assuming that there are teenagers mature enough to take responsibility of their actions, how do they cope with parents that don't trust them in the first place?
Note that the kid is smart enough to not do anything serious until she has got authorization from these parents, but is imprudent enough to be caught planning that which the parents don't agree with.

Thanks[b(]

 

[Maryjfl]

...maybe this wasn't a philosophy topic; i posted it in General Discussion.

 

[THANOS]

First hand the teenager should really look at his/her decision and see if it is a responsible action. And also understand or try to understand why their parents don't trust them in the first place. Un trust just doesn't happen right away, something had to build to create the mistrust. Most likely irresponsible actions in the past. And for the teenager to be imprudent enough to be caught planning the teenager must feel some wrongness in that plan in order to hide it from the parents in the first place. I am not saying that the teenager is wrong but take a better look in the action without being bias. Of course i only give my answer based on what you wrote. But if the teenager feels that the parents are truly wrong and decides not to let them know of his/her plans because of reason the parents wouldn't approve of due to there own bias reasons then the teenager would have to really try hard and evaluate the reasons why s/he believes is right and why the parents are wrong. Then try to get the point of views of everyone before declaring oneself wrong or right.

 

[Dark Wing]

It depends on how old the teenager is. If the teenager is still at an age where the parents believe that even if the teenager can reason their way out of anything they are still not old enough to experience the given activity without the real possibility of getting harmed in some way unforeseen to the teenager, then maybe they can see something the teenager does not. It is often the case that we think we know everything until after then event, and we look back and realize we know nothing. We never do.

But, if that is not the case, then maybe this teenager should casually distribute some literature by Lipman and Dewey about given household. It talks about children and growing up and reasonableness, and encouraging the young to explore their environment and learn from experience to encourage reasonableness in society based on a good logic system. Its nice stuff, based on a philosophy for children concept: open the minds of the young etc.

 

[Esperanto]

Patronize the parents. lol

 

[Mentat]

I'm surprised no one's asked this yet (actually, the might have, but I didn't notice), but: What exactly is it that you need to convince your parents of?

In my opinion the use of persuasion (the amount needed, the kind that should be used, what research should be done before-hand, etc...) is completely dependent on the particular circumstance.

 

[Maryjfl]

what's the problem? in reality it's not even my problem, I'm worrying for my friend whom is trying to keep a secret boyfriend from her mother. This mother is a controller (that's the opinion of everybody in our group), and haven't even given chance to know this guy, she just threathens to call the police, since he is 20 and the girl is 16.
I think they both are mature enough to just have a nice relationship, but the mother won't allow it, she doesn't trust her daughter, and now has even blocked us (the friends that know the guy) from even calling to her house.
So that's the issue. I think there's nothing to do, i tried to defend them the day that the mother asked me not to call anymore to the house, but what can a friend do? Only wish for the mother to understand one day and let them be?
For those who want to know why should i worry , I just think it's not fair (although is not my business).
Plz share your advice, maybe there IS some solution [?]

 

[seeker03]

Recently, I've known a girl with a parent who controls her daughter like that. The approach you should consider depends largely on the main cause of the mother's obsession with control. Is it perhaps she thinks the daughter is too young to make good choices? Is she living through her daughter? Does she think that teenagers think at a lower plane than adults?
The reason I ask this is that most parents do control their children at one point or another. This is often caused by reality conflicting with their image of the child from a few years ago. Children really do change fast. To me, personally, and it might me wrong, it seems that the mother is wary of allowing her daughter to change. Dating a guy four years older than the girl is fine... Just look at how many marraiges are between people 6 or more years seperate. Just gradually help the mother to see what she is doing to her daugter.
Find out what she's scared of from the guy, and let her gradually know that its time to let go. Better now than when she finds her daugther heartbroken with her dreams crushed.
Hold on to anything to tightly, and it breaks. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the mom.

 

[Rook]

In this issue (which you claim is your friends problem), I would suggest just being there as support. 4 years is a huge deal when it deals with minors/adults (according to the law too). Why is it that a guy whose 20 needs a 16 year-old?
Children do change, and maybe she needs to understand the pain of the relationship, but I can promise her that this guys is not the 'ONE'. The mother has a right to be worried, maybe she is being a little over-protective by not even agreeing to meet this guy, but still, her position should be respected. At 16, a person still has a lot to learn about relationships, and today's society has'nt helped with this. (But that's a topic for another time...)

My advice, be there as a friend, but that's it.

 

[Maryjfl]

yess, that's my guess of why the mother doesn't want her daughter to see the guy. In any case, i was just answering Mentat's question, but I'm already tired of sticking my nose in that problem (there's nothing i can do just being another teenager, right?). So thanks anyways

 

[Rook]

there's nothing i can do just being another teenager, right?

Unless she wants to become an 'emancipated minor', then no, there isn't.