. . . . . . . . . How I Met My Wife
. . . . . . . . . . . Jack Winter
. . . . . . The New Yorker, 7/25/94
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party
I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled
I was furling my weildy umbrella at the checkroom when
I saw her. .She was a descript person, a woman in a state
of total array. .Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled
and she moved in a gainly way.
I wanted to meet her, but I had to make bones about it,
since I was travelling cognito. .Beknownst to me, the
hostess, who I could see both hide and hair of, was
very proper, so it would be skin off my nose should
anything bad happened. .And even though I had only
swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be more
peccable. . Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.
Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate
appearance might cause was evitable. .There were
two ways about it, but the chances that someone
as flappable as I would be ept enough to become
persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after
all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily
hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused
I decided not to risk it, but she suddently, for some
apparent reason, looked in my direction and smiled
in a way that I could make heads or tails of.
I was plussed. .It was concerting to see that she was
communicado, and it nerved me that she was
interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. .I had a
domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capaciated
- as if this were something I was great shakes at - and
forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only
a told number of times. . So, after a terminable delay,
I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through
the ruly crowd with strong givings.
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had
not time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous.
Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking
about the hors d'oeruvres, trying to abuse her of the
notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few
myths about myself.
She responded well, and I was mayed that she
considered me a savory character who was up to
some good. .She told me who she was. "What a perfect
nomer," I said advertently. .The conversation became
more and more choate, and we spoke at length
to much avail. .But I was defatigable, so I had to
leave at a godly hour. .I asked if she wanted to
come with me. .To my delight, she was commital.
We left the party together and have been together
ever since. .I have given her my love, and she has