Collection of Lame Jokes

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 343475

Maybe it's some sort of eclipse viewing accessory?

 

[nsaspook]

Maybe it's some sort of eclipse viewing accessory?

The CO of a ship like that doesn't usually handle small arms so I have no idea why he went full HALO Master Chief.

I would bet a $1 some gunners mate put together that rig for a photo 'shoot' expecting some other guys with weapons familiarity would find it funny but somehow the CO asked to pop a few rounds for the media hounds.

The fact nobody (gunners mates/weapons handlers) said something about it to him, tells me, he's likely not loved onboard.

 

[berkeman]

 

[jack action]

Yes, I like those! Don't care how lame they are!

 

[jtbell]

I just realized that next year will be the 60th anniversary of the first smartphone:

 

[gmax137]

Everything in that show was funny.

 

[jtbell]

Even when they missed it by that much.

 

[phinds]

A workplace statement ... my sentiments exactly:

 

[Borg]

That looks like it was written by Chat GPT 0.001.

 

[phinds]

That looks like it was written by Chat GPT 0.001.

I envision it as having been written by a sleep deprived, half drunk, manager who had read WAY too many mission statements.

 

[JT Smith]

Everything in that show was funny.

Yeah, I think that too. But when I've watched old episodes I've been struck by how bad a lot of the writing actually was. Cringeworthy. Definitely some hilarious stuff though. That's what I tend to remember.

 

[phinds]

Yeah, I think that too. But when I've watched old episodes I've been struck by how bad a lot of the writing actually was. Cringeworthy. Definitely some hilarious stuff though. That's what I tend to remember.

Some of it (the dialog) was so awful that when I watched it (at the time it was actually on) I was pretty sure that was intentional, along with how silly most of it was.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

Fellow was going up the road on his way home behind an ambulance and he noticed a small metal box sitting on the back bumper. When the ambulance turned the corner, the box flew off and landed near the shoulder.

He thought, it's high time to be a good Samaritan, so he pulled his Jeep over and retrieved it. When he opened it, there was a human toe packed in an ice bag. Holy smoke, he thought! So he called St Thomas Hospital nearby, and they said, yes, the ambulance had arrived without the box.

He gave them his location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it?

The lady replied, "No, we'll just send a toe truck."

 

[phinds]

OK, I'll do this one myself

 

[phinds]

 

[gmax137]

Have you noticed this never happens around the movie campfires?

In Boy Scouts we would send the tenderfoots over to the next camp, to ask for the left-handed smoke shifter, lol.

 

[BillTre]

When i was new working on a ship I was sent to find a universal something-or-other.
I guess it was funny for the tricksters, but it was a way to learn my way around the ship and meet a lot of new people.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 343681

Here's a link to the source (easier to read that way):
https://toggl.com/blog/build-horse-programming

 

[Borg]

View attachment 343665

Well, since this is a physics forum...

 

[phinds]

 

[Borg]

I need a bumper sticker that says "Caution, political discussions trigger my Tourettes".

 

[phinds]

I need a bumper sticker that says "Caution, political discussions trigger my Tourettes".

If you really want to avoid them, change "Tourettes" to "homicidal rage"

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

If you really want to avoid them, change "Tourettes" to "homicidal rage"

This lady said she used the sticker PMS 666. And it worked for her.

 

[jack action]

#16 is my favorite!

The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

 

[jack action]

PMS 666

That would make a great personalized licence plate!

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Jeez, @WWGD your images are STILL too dark.

 

[Orodruin]

Are those … E-clips?

TIL: These are actually e-clips:

 

[dextercioby]